I think my baby was about ten minutes old when I started worrying about whether I was doing everything right. There was no shortage of advice — from books, from other parents, and from people who weren’t even parents! Looking back, here are the positive parenting tips I wish someone had told me from the start, tips to reassure you that you’re doing just fine.
Going Home with New Baby
As I walked out of the maternity ward with my little bundle, I looked back to make sure no alarm was going to go off — somehow I’d managed to avoid the “incompetent parent” alarm system. I nervously watched my baby’s every move, round the clock, until I slowly learned to breathe out.
Is he colicky? Teething? Cranky? Does he have a temperature? How many ounces did he drink — has he had enough? Is he heavy enough, or too heavy? Is he developing properly? That nappy looks a funny colour — nobody warned me about green stools!
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Am I Doing It Right?
The questions never stopped. Am I changing his nappy often enough? Am I using the right wipes? Did I keep him snuggled in the bed too long? Is that babygro a bit too “girly” looking?
Looking back, most of the advice I got wasn’t really positive parenting tips at all — it was suggestions on how I could do things a little better. Very few people simply reassure you that you’re doing okay.
Is he too big for that car seat? Too small for that buggy? Is his back properly supported in the shopping trolley seat?
As he got older, it never let up — I turned to parenting forums for reassurance.
“We never did it like that in our day,” my mother would say.
“Well, the latest research says…” the public health nurse would begin.
“Don’t pick them up every time they cry,” everyone seemed to agree.
I read parenting books full of conflicting advice. I asked other mothers, and all of their babies apparently slept round the clock and had a full set of teeth from birth!
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After all that, guilt crept in — guilt about going back to work, guilt about cutting corners when I was exhausted, guilt about my own impatience, and guilt about occasionally wanting a bit of time to myself. Could I even admit these things out loud?
Looking back now, with the benefit of hindsight, here’s the advice I’d give myself — and any new parent.
1. If You Worry
If you’re worried about whether you’re doing it right, that’s actually a good sign. It means you’re being responsible, thoughtful, and doing your best.
2. Doing a Good Job
Nobody is going to tell you that you’re doing a good job — least of all your kids. But slip up in any way, and they’ll let you know with gusto. Suddenly they had “the worst lunch in the school” while everyone else apparently dined on gourmet food flown in from France.
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3. What Kids Remember
Be early for ten thousand pickups and drop-offs, and it will go completely unnoticed. Be one minute late, and that’s the memory they’ll bring up for years.
4. Listen to the Small Stuff Now
On the days it feels hard to sit through “Let It Go” for the fiftieth time, remember — listening to the small stuff now means they’ll come to you with the big stuff later.
5. Try to Be Objective
Listen with a critical ear when your child reports being the injured party in a squabble. You know how capable kids are of giving the rose-tinted version of events with siblings or friends.
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6. Let Them Resolve Their Own Fights
When they fall out with friends, let them work it out themselves where you can. Kids often sort things out with a lot less fuss than when parents step in.
7. Trust Your Instinct
Trust your own instinct. First-time parents are often dismissed as overly cautious, but it’s better to err on the side of caution than to ignore something that matters.
8. Don’t Worry Unnecessarily Either
At some point they’ll probably try to eat their own sock, and you may turn up somewhere with a one-socked baby. Don’t worry — it happens to everyone.
9. Enjoy Every Hug
Take every hug, every hand-hold, every moment they climb onto your lap. One day they won’t want to anymore, and you won’t even notice the last time it happened.
10. Be Proud of Yourself
Take pride in their little milestones — first steps, toilet training, reaching the counter, buckling their own car seat. You walked them through it, taught them, and helped them grow. Don’t underestimate your own part in that.
So, are you doing it right? Who knows.
Did I do it right? Who knows — I never did find the manual. I just did my best, listened to as much advice as I could, and kept an open mind, knowing some of it would be right and some of it wouldn’t.
Guess what? You’re doing fine.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if I’m being a good parent?
If you’re asking the question, that’s usually a strong sign you’re doing okay. Good parenting isn’t about getting everything right — it’s about staying responsive, caring, and willing to learn as you go.
How do I deal with parenting guilt as a new parent?
Guilt is incredibly common, especially in the early months. It helps to remember that you’re comparing your everyday reality to other people’s highlight reel. Talking to other parents honestly, rather than just seeing the polished version, can ease a lot of that pressure.
Should new parents follow their instincts or expert advice?
Both have a place. Expert guidance is useful, but you know your child better than anyone else. If something feels off, or feels right, that instinct is worth listening to alongside general advice.
What’s the most important positive parenting tip for new parents?
Be kind to yourself. New parents are often their own harshest critics. Small, consistent care — showing up, listening, and being present — matters far more than getting every decision perfect.
More Family Life Reads
- How to Survive the First 6 Weeks with a New Baby
- 41 Reasons You Know You’re Mom to a New Baby
- 15 Positive Parenting Techniques Every Parent Should Know
- Proven Tips on How to Say No to Your Child
- 8 Top Tips for Positive Parenting
Save This for Later
Not ready to put these tips into practice today? Bookmark this page or save it to your parenting folder so you can come back to it on the tougher days — you’ll doing fine, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
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