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Motherhood is a non-stop merry-go-round of laundry, cooking, cleaning, referee duty and tidying — with barely a minute of “you time” in between. So while we’re always hearing what mums do say (usually some version of “please don’t lick that”), we thought it was time for a list of things you’ll definitely never hear a mum say.
See how many of these sound familiar — or rather, how many you’ve never once said and never will.
#1. Of course you can sit on your brother or sister.
#2. Ahh I feel so well rested and relaxed and put together.
#3. No, I don’t mind you spilling your drink for the 5th time today.
#4. Please barge in and tell me what your sister did to you while I am going to the bathroom.
#5. Think I got too much sleep last night.
#6. I really enjoy taking my three kids 4 and under grocery shopping with me.
#7. Oh great! Another load of laundry to do!
#8. I can understand you so much better when you’re whining.
#9. Yes please go ahead and make an even bigger mess. I love picking everybody else’s stuff up.
#10. My floors are so clean!
#11. Please lick the toilet seat!
#12. That temper tantrum you just had totally changed my mind! We’ll do it your way instead.
#13. Isn’t this traffic jam fantastic to drive in with these kids.
#14. My life hasn’t changed at all since I had these children!
#15. Go play in the cat litter!
#16. You can never have enough sugar!
#17. I love reading these Thomas the Tank Engine books over and over and over.
#18. Oh goody! It’s a Dora marathon!
#19. Ahh, I love picking up a thousand lego pieces.
#20. I quit.
Over to you
Have you ever caught yourself thinking one of these — even if you’d never actually say it out loud? Tell us in the comments below, and feel free to add your own. This list was inspired by an infographic from Grkids.com.
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FAQs
Is this list based on things real mums actually say?
It’s inspired by real parenting life — just flipped on its head for a laugh. Every mum will recognise the opposite of these lines from her own day.
Is this just for mums?
Not at all — swap “mum” for “dad” or any parent or carer, and the list still holds up. Anyone doing the school run, the laundry pile and the Lego clean-up will relate.
Can I share my own “never hear a parent say” line?
Yes, please do! Drop it in the comments — we love reading them, and you might spot your own family in someone else’s.
Want more like this?
If this gave you a laugh, take a browse through our other family life articles for more relatable parenting reads — perfect for a quick scroll during naptime (or, let’s be honest, while hiding in the bathroom).
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