Let’s be honest: nobody warns you about this bit. The quickies are a distant memory, spontaneity has left the building, and you’re running on a level of tired you didn’t know existed. If your sex life has quietly vanished since the kids arrived, you are absolutely not alone. Here are 10 honest reasons why it happens — and why it’s nothing to worry about.
1. Your libido goes AWOL post-baby
Hormones, exhaustion, or just sheer survival mode — whatever the cause, your libido can disappear for a good while after having a baby. The good news? It does find its way home eventually, even if it takes its time.
2. Recovery isn’t exactly romantic
Between stitches, soreness and general tenderness, your body needs time to heal after birth. It’s completely normal for intimacy to be the last thing on your mind while you’re still recovering.
3. There’s suddenly a little person nearby
It was all fine when it was just the two of you. Now there’s a tiny person cooing (or crying) in a crib just a few feet away, and somehow that changes the mood entirely.
4. You are utterly exhausted
Not the kind of tired a good night’s sleep fixes — the bone-deep, can-barely-keep-your-eyes-open kind of tired that comes with having young children. It’s hard to feel amorous when you can barely stay awake.
5. Breastfeeding changes things
If you’re breastfeeding, your body can start to feel like it belongs to someone else for a while. It’s common for this to affect how you feel about intimacy, and that’s completely normal too.
6. Kids never really leave you alone
There’s no real break. Feeding, burping, settling them for a nap, playing, bath time, nappy changes — the list goes on. So when exactly are you meant to find the time?
7. You can’t leave contraception lying around anymore
Nothing kills the moment quite like a curious toddler finding something they shouldn’t in a drawer. Suddenly everything needs a hiding place.
8. You have to be completely silent
Gone are the days of not worrying about noise. Now every sound has to be carefully managed, because waking a sleeping baby, toddler, tween or teen is a risk nobody wants to take.
9. Spontaneity has left the chat
Whatever intimacy you do have now often needs to be planned in advance, sometimes down to the exact half-hour. Spur-of-the-moment romance becomes a distant memory.
10. There’s never a good time
Late at night when you’re wrecked, or on the rare occasion the kids are out of the house — both options tend to end the same way: you falling asleep instead. It’s exhausting, but it’s also just what this stage of parenting looks like.
—
The truth is, this is a phase, not forever. Every parent goes through some version of this, even if nobody talks about it much. Give yourselves grace, keep talking to each other, and know that things do shift as life with young kids settles into a new rhythm.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal for your sex life to disappear after having kids?
Yes, completely normal. Exhaustion, hormonal changes, recovery time and the sheer demands of caring for young children all play a part. Most parents go through a period where intimacy takes a back seat.
How long does it take for things to get back to normal?
It’s different for every couple and depends on things like how many children you have, sleep patterns, and how you’re both feeling physically and emotionally. There’s no fixed timeline — patience with yourselves and each other helps.
What can help couples reconnect during this stage?
Small things count: honest conversation, carving out even short pockets of time together, and not putting pressure on yourselves to “get back to normal” quickly. Connection doesn’t have to mean intimacy every time — a proper chat or a shared laugh counts too.
Should we be worried if this lasts a long time?
Every relationship is different, but if you’re finding it hard to reconnect at all, or it’s affecting how you feel about each other, it can help to talk openly as a couple about what you both need. If things feel stuck, some couples find it useful to talk it through with a professional.
You Might Also Like
- Coping With Sleep Deprivation as New Parents
- How to Keep Your Relationship Strong After Having Kids
- Honest Confessions From Parents of Toddlers
Don’t Just Take Our Word For It
Every parent’s experience of this stage looks a little different — some weeks are harder than others! If this made you smile (or nod along), save it to come back to, or share it with a friend who needs to hear they’re not alone.
Want More Honest Parenting Reads Like This?
Sign up for our free newsletter for weekly ideas, real talk, competitions and offers — straight to your inbox, no fuss.
