For anyone whose mother or grandmother lives with Alzheimer’s or dementia, one of the hardest parts of the journey is a simple, painful truth: she may no longer recognise you.
This poignant poem by Joann Snow Duncanson, “Two Mothers Remembered,” captures that experience with real tenderness. It speaks to the relationship between a daughter and the mother she once knew — and the different “mother” she has become as memory fades. It’s a beautiful piece to share with anyone caring for a parent, or simply reflecting on how love endures even as a loved one changes.
Two Mothers Remembered
by Joann Snow Duncanson
I had two Mothers – two Mothers I claim
Two different people, yet with the same name.
Two separate women, diverse by design,
But I loved them both because they were mine.
The first was the Mother who carried me here,
Gave birth and nurtured and launched my career.
She was the one whose features I bear,
Complete with the facial expressions I wear.
She gave me her love, which follows me yet,
Along with the examples in life that she set.
As I got older, she somehow younger grew,
And we’d laugh as just Mothers and daughters should do.
But then came the time that her mind clouded so,
And I sensed that the Mother I knew would soon go.
So quickly she changed and turned into the other,
A stranger who dressed in the clothes of my Mother.
Oh, she looked the same, at least at arm’s length,
But now she was the child and I was her strength.
We’d come full circle, we women three,
My Mother the first, the second and me.
And if my own children should come to a day,
When a new Mother comes and the old goes away,
I’d ask of them nothing that I didn’t do.
Love both of your Mothers as both have loved you.
Why this poem resonates with so many families
Dementia and Alzheimer’s don’t just affect memory — they change the shape of a family relationship. Many daughters and sons describe exactly what this poem puts into words: grieving a parent who is still physically present, while learning to love and care for the person she has become. If this poem struck a chord with you, you’re far from alone.
You might also enjoy
A Letter from a Mother to her Daughter — another heartfelt piece on the bond between mothers and their children, worth reading alongside this poem.
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