Does your child have a habit you’d love to break? Wondering how to finally get rid of the dummy, or stop the thumb-sucking once and for all? Clinical hypnotherapist Alicia Eaton shares her tried-and-tested approach to helping children let go of thumb-sucking, soothers, and other comforting habits — for good.
Oh, those irritating habits! There can’t be a parent anywhere who hasn’t felt the frustration of watching their child’s persistent thumb-sucking, nail-biting or hair-pulling continue no matter what they try.
The tricky thing, as most parents will tell you, is that the more you tell your child to stop, the more they seem to do it. Stuck in this cycle of unwanted behaviour, it can feel like there’s no way out.
Thumb or dummy sucking, and nail-biting for that matter, are common enough among young children, who naturally find them comforting. We’re all born with a strong sucking instinct and a desire to explore the world with our mouths — it’s part of how we’re wired.
Most children will outgrow these habits naturally in middle childhood without too much fuss. For others, change comes when something external — like a dentist recommending it stops — gives them a nudge they need.
1. Do stay calm and relaxed
Repeated reminders to stop rarely work, and they can become stressful for both parent and child. Your child can tell from your expression that you disapprove of what they’re doing.
Once bad feelings become attached to the habit, anxiety can actually fuel your child’s need for more comfort. It becomes a catch-22.
Related reading: Help Your Child Stop Bedwetting with These Tips
2. Identify connecting habits
Our habits connect with other habits, forming a kind of network in our minds.
For example, if your child always sucks their thumb or dummy while sitting in the back of the car, a connection forms between the two, and it becomes a powerful, automatic urge on every journey.
Breaking this link can be as simple as changing which side of the car they sit on. If they’re used to sucking their thumb while leaning on the window, it won’t feel quite the same on the other side — the brain gets confused, and that gives you a window of opportunity to break the habit.
Similarly, if your child can only fall asleep with a dummy at home, a holiday away is a natural chance to “accidentally” leave it behind. It’s said that it can take roughly a week to make or break a habit, so by the time you’re home again, the habit may well be gone.
3. Substitution
Think of something else your child could do instead of the unwanted habit.
This might mean applying moisturiser to fingertips in the case of nail-biting, keeping hands busy with a colouring book and pens, trying a simple craft activity, or finding comfort in stroking a soft toy or fabric.
4. Always say what you DO want
As we think and speak, our minds create images that our bodies respond to. So always tell your child what you DO want them to do, rather than what you don’t.
Instead of saying “Stop sucking your thumb — how many times have I told you not to do that,” or worse, “The other kids will laugh at you,” try phrases like “Let’s see if we can keep that thumb nice and dry today” or offer praise for progress: “I’ve noticed it’s getting easier for you to leave the dummy at home now — I bet you’ll want to leave it there all the time soon.”
5. Reverse psychology
With older children who still suck their thumb, it’s possible to create helpful confusion by encouraging them to suck more, not less.
Children are used to being told to share and take turns, so telling them it’s only fair that every finger and thumb gets a turn can be enough to break the pattern. Each day becomes a different finger’s turn, meaning their favourite thumb goes untouched for many days running.
You can also try phrases like “I’m not going to tell you to stop sucking your thumb, because I know you’ll know when the time is right for you. You’ve probably already started noticing this, haven’t you?” Don’t wait for an answer — just let the thought sit with them.
6. Keep a photo diary
Being able to see progress, however small, is what keeps us motivated. With a phone camera always to hand, keeping a simple photo diary is easy.
Encourage your child or teen to take a quick photo of their fingernails (or thumb) every few days and compare them over time. After a couple of weeks, they’ll be able to see real change — and it can even become a fun little project rather than a chore.
About Alicia
Alicia Eaton is an expert in helping people change habits and behaviours. She’s the author of Words That Work – How to Get Kids to Do Almost Anything, a qualified Clinical Hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner with a practice in London’s Harley Street, and a qualified Montessori teacher and mother of three grown-up children.
For more from Alicia, visit her website Alicia Eaton or Success 4 Kids.
Over to you! Have you had success breaking a habit with your own kids? Share your experience in the comments below.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does it take to break a thumb-sucking or dummy habit?
Every child is different, but small, consistent changes — like breaking the routines a habit is linked to — can start showing results within a week or two. Patience and a calm approach matter more than speed.
Should I punish or scold my child for thumb-sucking?
No — reminders and scolding tend to increase anxiety, which can actually strengthen the habit. Calm encouragement and praise for small steps forward work far better.
Is thumb-sucking something to worry about?
Most children grow out of it naturally. If you have concerns about teeth alignment or ongoing habits as your child gets older, it’s worth having a chat with your dentist, who can advise based on your child’s individual situation.
What can I use instead of nagging to help my child stop?
Try substitution (giving hands something else to do), noticing and praising progress, and gently interrupting the routines that trigger the habit, such as always sucking a thumb in a particular car seat or at a particular time of day.
More from MyKidsTime
- Help Your Child Stop Bedwetting with These Tips
- Positive Parenting: Phrases That Actually Work
- Building Good Routines for Young Children
Keep more parenting ideas coming
Want more practical, no-nonsense parenting tips like this delivered straight to your inbox? Sign up for the MyKidsTime newsletter for weekly ideas, activities, and advice for busy parents — no pressure, just useful stuff when you need it.
