If you’ve ever stood on the sidelines watching your child play sport, this honest coach letter to parents is worth a few quiet minutes. Written by a volunteer coach and shared widely on social media, it’s a candid, sometimes uncomfortable read about what it’s really like to give up your evenings and weekends for other people’s children — and what parents get wrong without realising it.
The letter was originally shared on the Dreadnots GFC Facebook page. Here it is in full.
The Letter
Dear Parents,
Today I heard a comment made about me behind my back. I started to turn around and look, but then decided not to and kept my eyes on the field. My wife hears things like this more often than I do, because many of you don’t know who she is. She tells me what you say. I have received angry emails full of “suggestions” about who should be playing where, and how I lost that day’s game for the kids. I thought I’d write an open letter to all of you parents, even though I might never send it. I’ll start it this way: “I am a volunteer.”
I’m the one who answered the call when the league said they didn’t have enough coaches. I understand that you were too busy. I have some news for you. I’m not retired. I’m busy too. I have other children and a job, just like you do. Not only do I not get paid to do this — it costs me money. I see you walk up to the game 15 minutes after it started, still dressed for work. Do you know I’ve already been here over an hour? Imagine if you had to leave work early nearly every day. I’ve never seen you at a practice. I’m sure you’re plugging away at the office. But I’m out here, on the field, trying my best to teach these children how to play a sport they love, while my bank account suffers.
I know I make mistakes. In fact, maybe I’m not even that great a coach. But I treat the kids fairly and with respect. I am pretty sure they like coming to my practices and games, and without me — or someone like me — there’d be no team for them to play on. I’m part of this community too, and it’s no picnic being out here on this stage like this. It’s a lot easier back there with the other parents, where no one is second-guessing you.
And I also know you think I give my son or daughter unfair advantages. I try not to. In fact, have you ever considered that maybe I’m harder on him than on the others? I’m sure he hears plenty of criticism at school from classmates, who hear it from you at home, about what a terrible coach I am. And if, even unconsciously, my kids are getting a slight advantage because I know them better and trust their abilities, is that the worst thing in the world, considering the sacrifice I’m making? Trust me, I want to win too. And if your son or daughter could guarantee we’d do that, I’d give them the chance.
After this game is over, I’ll be the last one to leave. I have to break down the field, put away all the equipment, and make sure everyone has had a parent arrive to pick them up. There have been evenings when my son and I waited with a player until after dark before someone came to get them. Many nights I’m sure you’ve already had dinner and are relaxing on the couch by the time I finally kick the mud off my shoes and climb into my car, which hasn’t been washed or vacuumed for weeks. Why bother cleaning it during the season? Do you know how nice it would be if, just once, after a game, one of you offered to carry the heavy gear bag to my car or help straighten up the field?
If I sound angry, I’m not. I do this because I love it and I love being around the kids. There are plenty of rewards, and I remind myself that while you’re at the office working, your kid is saying something that makes us all laugh or brings a tear to my eye. The positives outweigh the negatives. I just wish that, sometimes, those who don’t choose to volunteer their time would leave the coaching to the few of us who do.
Yours sincerely,
The Coach
What Parents Can Take From This
Most parents don’t set out to make a volunteer coach’s life harder — it happens in small moments: an offhand comment, a late arrival, a sharp email after a tough loss. This letter is a reminder that the person running training on a wet Tuesday evening is usually doing it for free, on top of their own job and family, simply because someone had to step up.
A little patience, a “thanks for tonight” on the way out, or a hand folding up the cones goes further than most parents realise.
FAQ
Who wrote the honest coach letter to parents?
The letter was written by an anonymous volunteer coach and first shared on the Dreadnots GFC Facebook page. It isn’t attributed to a named individual, but it reflects a experience many grassroots coaches recognise.
Is the letter about a specific sport or club?
No. While it was shared by a GAA club page, the letter doesn’t name a particular sport, team or league. Its message about volunteer coaching applies broadly across youth sports.
Why did this coach letter to parents become so popular?
It struck a chord because it puts into words what many volunteer coaches feel but rarely say out loud — frustration at criticism, and the hope that parents will notice the time and money they’re quietly giving up.
What can parents do differently after reading it?
Small things help most: showing up on time, thanking the coach after games, offering to help pack away equipment, and keeping any concerns about team selection calm and private rather than shared in front of other parents or players.
Related Articles
If this struck a chord, you might also like:
- How to Raise a Good Team Player
- Supporting Your Child Through Wins and Losses in Sport
- Why Youth Sport Needs More Volunteers
Before You Go
Got a coach, teacher or volunteer in your child’s life who deserves a bit more appreciation? Browse our family life section for more real stories and practical parenting ideas worth sharing.
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