Imagine getting the chance to go back and give your younger, pre-kids self a few home truths about parenthood. One dad did exactly that in a Facebook post that struck a chord with parents everywhere — and it’s just as good a read now as it was the day he wrote it.
This dad of three has definitely nailed it with his fatherhood advice.
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Ted’s Fatherhood Advice and Tips
Father of three Ted Gonder shared a heartfelt post about his wife and children, and it struck a chord with parents everywhere. It’s easy to see why — it’s honest, funny, and genuinely thoughtful about what a partner goes through in the early days of parenthood.
We particularly love the line “Remind her she’s a superhero.” Go Ted! And lucky Franziska, say we!
I’m now 29 and have 3 kids with my wife Franziska who carried and birthed them all like a pro. Here’s what I would tell…
Posted by Ted Gonder on Wednesday, 18 September 2019
Here’s what Ted’s post says:
“I’m now 29 and have 3 kids with my wife Franziska who carried and birthed them all like a pro. Here’s what I would tell my childless 24-year-old self about how to be a supportive partner during the ‘becoming parents’ phase:
1. Wifey carried baby IN her belly for 9 months. So you carry baby ON your belly for 9 months every chance you get. Not only does it help her recover but it bonds you to your kid more than imaginable.
2. Wifey is breastfeeding and — while beautiful and fulfilling for her — it’s exhausting. So you change EVERY diaper you can. From diaper #1 onward. You will get over the grossness fast. And you will prevent imbalances and resentment in the relationship; in fact, when all your wife’s friends are complaining about how absent and unsupportive their husbands are, your wife will be bragging about you.
3. Make her the decaf coffee every morning. Even if she leaves it cold and forgets to drink it most mornings because she falls back asleep while you’re working or (later) taking the kids to school. She was up all night feeding the baby so help start her day in a way that helps her reset.
4. Tell her she is beautiful and help her see that in the moments when she is feeling most self-critical and hopeless about her body. Remind her of times when she achieved goals in the past. Remind her she is a superhero. She literally just moved all her organs around and gained weight to give you a child that will be a gift to you for the rest of your life. Help her see past her body image issues and stay focused on a positive goal, one day at a time.
5. Take the heat. Hormones are crazy, both pre and post birth. She won’t seem like herself every day and sometimes she will say things she wouldn’t say if she didn’t feel like she was hungover, caffeinated, and on steroids every day. Remember your job is to be her rock through all of this, so toughen up and keep perspective when her tongue is sharper than you know her best self intends. Normal will return soon and you want her to be grateful that you kept it together when she wasn’t, not resentful and disappointed that you hijacked her emotions by making her problems yours.”*
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Why This Advice Still Resonates
What makes Ted’s list so memorable isn’t grand gestures — it’s the small, consistent things: making the coffee, taking the diaper duty, choosing patience over defensiveness on a hard day. It’s a reminder that being a supportive partner through pregnancy and those early exhausting months is mostly about showing up in the small ways, again and again.
FAQ
Who wrote this fatherhood advice?
Ted Gonder, a father of three, shared the advice in a Facebook post aimed at his own younger, childless self, reflecting on how to support a partner through pregnancy and new parenthood.
Why did this post go viral?
Readers connected with how honest and specific the advice was — practical tips like sharing diaper duty and making her coffee, paired with emotional support like acknowledging what her body has been through.
Is this advice only for dads?
No. While it’s written from one dad’s perspective to his younger self, the core message — show up, share the load, and support your partner through the exhaustion of early parenthood — applies to any partner.
Where can I find more advice like this?
Browse our parenting section for more real, relatable stories and tips from parents navigating life with young families.
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- How to Survive the First 6 Weeks with a New Baby
- How Becoming a Daddy Changed Me Forever
- Real Talk: What New Parents Wish They’d Known
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