Bathing my daughter this evening, I thought about how lucky I am to have two healthy children. But I couldn’t help thinking, too, that we might never have known my baby daughter at all.
Trying to conceive can be a long journey. When my husband and I talked about starting a family, we always said that if we were blessed, it would be lovely to have two children.
Our journey to parenthood began when we saw that “Big Fat Positive” in November 2010. After nearly two years of trying, the word “Pregnant” brought both happiness and worry. It was something we had planned, but we couldn’t help worrying that all would be okay.
Thankfully, I had a “book perfect” pregnancy, and we welcomed our son in 2011. Seeing him for the first time was the most amazing experience, and I couldn’t wait to hold him. Over the following months, there were so many cuddles and so much laughter.
When he was 13 months old, the question arose: “Will we try again?” Not long after, we got another positive test. For some reason, this time there wasn’t the same happiness or worry — we put it down to being second time around.
An Unexpected Turn
The night before my 12-week check, I noticed some light bleeding. I tried not to worry, as I’d read this can happen. I spoke with the midwife, and since my scan was booked for the next morning and I had no further bleeding, she said to wait.
The next morning, before our appointment, there was more bleeding. I rang the hospital and they told me to go straight to my scheduled clinic appointment, as I’d be seen there quicker than at the hospital.
On the drive in, my husband and I both sensed it wasn’t going to be good news. The sonographer was amazing — she checked and re-checked — but I knew from the image that this little baby was not to be.
We had what’s called a missed miscarriage, with the baby measuring 8+4 weeks against my own 11+6 weeks. After this was confirmed at the hospital later that morning, we talked through our options at length, and I was booked in for a D&C the next day.
A Strange Kind of Comfort
Like with any surgery, I was nervous, but strangely comforted too — I was in the same theatre where our son had been born. As I came round afterwards, the theatre nurse chatted with me and said, with a smile, that she’d see me in nine months. In my nervous positivity, I winked back and said, “Give me a year!”
Little did I know how true those words would become.
Our daughter was breech and was born by C-section — and at her birth, that same theatre nurse was there. She had that same smile, and I was delighted to tell her the story. A year to the day of my D&C, we brought our daughter home.
I feel truly blessed to have fallen pregnant three times. On a daily basis, there’s laughter and joy with my children, and I know their little angel is watching over them all.
This post is by blogger Eimear Kelly, mum of two, who shares her ups and downs of being a stay-at-home mum, beauty tips and lots more on her blog Chirps from a Little Red Hen.
If You’re Going Through Something Similar
If this story resonates with you, please know you’re not alone. Many parents carry a similar mix of grief and gratitude, and there’s no “right” way to feel after a loss like this. If you’d like to talk to someone, your GP, midwife, or a dedicated pregnancy loss support organisation can offer guidance suited to your own situation.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel differently about a second pregnancy compared to the first?
Yes, many parents describe feeling less anxious or excited the second time simply because they’ve “been through it before.” Every pregnancy and every parent’s emotional response is different, and there’s no right way to feel.
Is bleeding in early pregnancy always a sign of miscarriage?
Bleeding in early pregnancy can have a number of causes and doesn’t always mean a miscarriage is happening. If you experience any bleeding, contact your midwife, GP or maternity unit for advice specific to your situation.
Where can parents find support after a miscarriage?
Speaking to your GP or midwife is a good first step. There are also dedicated pregnancy loss support organisations who offer confidential guidance and peer support for parents coping with loss.
