Some parenting lessons stick with you for years. This is one of them. Mum Amy Beth Gardner shared a simple, powerful exercise she did with her daughter the night before starting middle school — and it’s just as worth reading today as it was the day she posted it.
If you’re looking for a gentle, memorable way to talk to your own kids about kindness before a new school year, this is well worth five minutes of your time.
The Night Before Middle School
Amy Beth’s daughter Breonna was all set for her first day of middle school. Her locker was decorated, her new uniform was ready, and she’d been surprised with a brand-new backpack. But the night before, Amy Beth had one more thing planned — something far simpler, and far more important, than anything on the back-to-school shopping list.
Here’s how she described it in her original post:
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My daughter starts middle school tomorrow. We’ve decorated her locker, bought new uniforms, even surprised her with a…
Posted by Amy Beth Gardner on Sunday, 14 August 2016
One Mum’s Advice on How to Be Kind
Here’s the full text of what Amy Beth wrote:
“My daughter starts middle school tomorrow. We’ve decorated her locker, bought new uniforms, even surprised her with a new backpack. But tonight just before bed, we did another pre-middle school task that is far more important than the others. I gave her a tube of toothpaste and asked her to squirt it out onto a plate. When she finished, I calmly asked her to put all the toothpaste back in the tube. She began exclaiming things like ‘But I can’t!’ and ‘It won’t be like it was before!’ I quietly waited for her to finish and then said the following:
You will remember this plate of toothpaste for the rest of your life. Your words have the power of life or death. As you go into middle school, you are about to see just how much weight your words carry. You are going to have the opportunity to use your words to hurt, demean, slander and wound others.
You are also going to have the opportunity to use your words to heal, encourage, inspire and love others. You will occasionally make the wrong choice; I can think of three times this week I have used my own words carelessly and caused harm. Just like this toothpaste, once the words leave your mouth, you can’t take them back.
Use your words carefully, Breonna. When others are misusing their words, guard your words. Make the choice every morning that life-giving words will come out of your mouth. Decide tonight that you are going to be a life-giver in middle school. Be known for your gentleness and compassion.
Use your life to give life to a world that so desperately needs it. You will never, ever regret choosing kindness.”
Why This Lesson Still Works
The toothpaste demonstration is so effective because it’s hands-on and immediate. Kids can hear “think before you speak” a hundred times without it really landing — but watching toothpaste spread across a plate, knowing it can never go back in the tube, makes the point in a way words alone can’t.
It’s a lesson that works well beyond the first day of middle school. You can use it any time you want to talk to your children about:
- The permanence of unkind words, even ones said in anger or without thinking
- The difference between words that build people up and words that tear them down
- Taking ownership when we get it wrong, and choosing differently next time
- Making kindness a daily decision rather than something that just happens
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the toothpaste lesson about kindness?
It’s a simple demonstration where a child squeezes toothpaste onto a plate and is then asked to put it back in the tube. Since that’s impossible, it becomes a powerful, memorable way to show that words — once spoken — can’t be taken back either.
Who came up with the toothpaste and kindness lesson?
Mum Amy Beth Gardner shared the idea in a Facebook post the night before her daughter started middle school. Her post was widely shared because so many parents found it such a clear, relatable way to teach the lesson.
What age is this lesson suitable for?
It works well for children starting to navigate more complex friendships and social situations, typically from around upper primary school age through the teenage years, though the message applies at any age.
How can I use this idea with my own child?
All you need is a tube of toothpaste and a plate. Let your child do the squeezing and the (impossible) task of putting it back, then talk through what that felt like and how it connects to the things we say to and about other people.
You May Also Enjoy
Looking for more ways to build kindness into everyday family life? Don’t miss our roundup of 50+ Random Acts of Kindness for Families to Do Together — full of simple, doable ideas the whole family can get involved in.
Save This for Later
Kindness lessons like this one are worth keeping close, especially with a new school year on the horizon. Bookmark this article or share it with another parent who might need it before the first day back.
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