Starting school or preschool is a huge milestone — for children and for the parents watching them walk through that door for the first time. Big feelings are completely normal on both sides, and most of the worries that come up are far more common than they feel in the moment.
Parenting expert Dr John Sharry answered a batch of real questions sent in by MyKidsTime parents about starting school. Their children’s situations are all different — different ages, different worries, different starting points — but his advice holds together around a few simple ideas: stay calm and upbeat, prepare gently rather than heavily, and trust that most settling-in issues fade with time.
Here are the questions parents asked, and Dr Sharry’s answers.
Q1. My Son Won’t Try on his Uniform
“My son is starting school on September 1st. He is 5 and has Down Syndrome. For the last week or so I have been trying to get him to try on his school uniform, but he refuses. Any help on getting over this hurdle would be most appreciated? I have shown him his twin in his uniform but still won’t try it on.”
Dr Sharry: “What is your sense of why he does not like his uniform? Some children have a clothing sensitivity (to textures, seams, the fit and so on) — you can get round this by noticing what textures he likes and adapting.
If it has become an issue between you, it’s best to take a step back and try again another time. Being positive makes a difference — try singing together as you put it on, or hiding pieces of clothing round a room and turning it into a game to find them.
You could also make a poster of him and his twin, with cut-outs of each part of the uniform (shirt, tie and so on), and every time he puts a piece on, he runs over and sticks it onto the poster. If it’s a big issue, it may help to let him go on the first day wearing just part of the uniform.”
You may also like: So Little One Is Starting School — Are They (And You!) Ready?
Q2. My Daughter is Quite Shy
“My daughter starts school next week and is quite shy. On the first day of school, parents have to let the kids line up outside the classroom and are not allowed to speak to the teacher. I am afraid that my daughter will be very upset having to go into the classroom without me, as she can be quite clingy — what is the best way to manage this?
She is being quite positive about school when we chat about it, but from previous experience I am afraid that she will be very upset and refuse to go into the classroom without me. Any advice would be very much appreciated!”
Dr Sharry: “I’d check carefully what the school’s guidelines actually are, as schools often make allowances for nervous children and parents. I’m surprised they don’t let you drop her right into the classroom.
If that is genuinely the process, then it’s best to stay as positive as possible about how the school does it — don’t let your daughter see your anxiety or frustration. Explain the steps to her in a positive, upbeat way, and how everyone will line up and walk in together, and how much fun this will be.
One technique I like for explaining a new routine to children is a picture chart — a simple sequence of pictures showing each step of going to school, told a bit like a happy story.”
You may also like: 20 Tips for a Child Starting School
Q3. Toilet in Classroom has Noisy Hand Dryer
“It’s possibly a little thing to be worrying about, but the toilet in the classroom has one of those air dryers to dry their hands. It’s the ONE thing my daughter has a fear of. She refuses completely to use one and almost has a heart attack when they go off! How can I address this with her? I fear she won’t wash her hands at all at school now!”
Dr Sharry: “In the first instance, you could leave it alone entirely and see how she gets on. School is a different context, and she may become less afraid once she sees other children using it without a problem — positive peer pressure can help a lot.
If it does become an issue, you could pack a self-drying soap in her bag and let the teacher know, while also helping her get used to hand dryers outside of school.”
Q4. How Best To Talk about School
“I haven’t spoken about school that much all summer, because everyone we meet seems to ask him instead. All of a sudden it’s now just over a week to go. What parts especially do you suggest talking about?”
Dr Sharry: “The emotional tone you use when explaining things makes all the difference — the more upbeat, the better.
If he needs specific details, a picture chart can work well: a simple sequence of images explaining the steps of going to school, told like a happy story. There are also good books available that talk about the adventure of starting school, which can be a lovely way to read into it together.”
You may also like: A First Day of School Poem for Parents
Q5. My Son Has Osteogenesis Imperfecta
“My son is almost 4 and has a medical condition called Osteogenesis Imperfecta (the slightest thing could cause him to dislocate or fracture a bone, and he suffers extreme fatigue), and because of this he needs a full-time PA assigned to him for preschool. He starts next Wednesday and I am so nervous for him.
What would be the best way to integrate him as much as possible into the class with the other kids? I don’t want him to stand out as being different, but how do you make a group of preschoolers aware that my son needs more gentle handling, that he needs to be at the back of the queue to avoid being knocked over, and that they can’t play rough around him? Is this expecting too much from a group of very young children?”
Dr Sharry: “That does sound like a real challenge to get right. The key will be liaising closely with his preschool teacher and his PA — they should be able to help you set practical goals around his mixing with the other children in a way that keeps him safe.
It may also be worth checking whether there is a national support group for the condition, as they may have more specific guidance for situations like this.”
You may also like: Tips for a Child Starting School with Serious Allergies
Q6. How Can I Prepare Him for Yard Play?
“My son is starting school next week. He is four. Recently he has gone very odd about playing with other children. He will now only insist on playing with one child at a time — if there are two or more children there, he will not go out to play.
I’m worried about him at lunchtime in school. How should I prepare him for this, as I’m worried he will not play and will be left out at lunchtime?”
Dr Sharry: “School yards for the youngest children are usually very well supervised, and teachers keep a close eye on them. It can help to identify one or two other children he already knows, so he has someone familiar to play with early on.”
Q7. Daughter Cries Every Morning I Drop Her to Creche
“My daughter cries every morning I drop her to creche — she goes two days a week. She is fine after I go, but is there anything I can do to stop this? She has been going for the past two years and cries every morning! She is 3!”
Dr Sharry: “This is a very common issue. The key thing is whether she is happy once you’ve left, and whether she is fully joining in at creche or school. If so, it will probably fade over time. It’s worth checking whether there’s anything specific upsetting her (asking away from the situation itself), or whether it’s simply nerves or a habit that will settle down.”
Lots more useful school resources in our Back to School section.
Q8. How Do I Stop My Own Emotions?
“My daughter will start school next week and she’s excited. I want everything positive, especially on her first day. The thing is, I can be emotional — I cried buckets on her last day in playschool. I don’t want her to see me crying, but I really can’t help it. What can I do?”
Dr Sharry: “Your daughter seeing some of your tears isn’t necessarily a bad thing — you can explain that they’re tears of pride, and tell her how happy you are to see her going into school.
Just be careful not to overwhelm her with your own emotion, and make sure to leave space to notice and listen to her feelings on the day too.”
Q9. Daughter’s Best Friends Are in the Other Class
“My daughter is starting Junior Infants and the class is being split due to size. I have a strong suspicion she may not have any of the girls she was in playschool with for the past year, only boys she already knows. How do I prepare her for that possibility — that her ‘best friends’ may all be in the other room — without upsetting her?”
Dr Sharry: “In the first instance, you could ask the school whether it’s possible for her to stay in the same class as her friends. If that’s not possible, don’t assume it will automatically be an issue for your daughter — just explain matter-of-factly who will be in her class and where the girls she knows will be.
Emphasise the positive side too: there will be so many new things happening in school that making new friends may turn out to be one of the easiest parts.”
Q10. My Son Is Starting School in France
“My son is starting school in France in September. He will be 3 in November and is the only English-speaking child in his class. He has been in creche in Ireland until July and loves it — any advice on preparing him for the move to a new language.
We were told that French in school and English at home is the best approach. He knows some words and I’ve been teaching him the basics so he can ask for what he needs. Any advice would be great.”
Dr Sharry: “I’m assuming you’re both English-speaking at home and staying long-term in France? It might be harder for him in the short term, but children are excellent at picking up new languages in school and preschool, especially at this age.
You can support this by speaking some French to him at home, having French books and nursery rhymes alongside English ones, and encouraging him to mix with French-speaking children.”
Q11. Tips to Ask the Headmistress When Starting School in France
“We are both Irish and speak English at home, although neither of us has French — we are slowly learning. My husband has been based here for the last 18 months but all his work is in English, so I just wondered if there were any tips.
We’ve gone down to the school and he is very excited. Can you recommend any questions I should ask the head mistress to help him, as we are meeting her next Friday?”
Dr Sharry: “Ask her how she plans to help him settle in and learn French, and how she will make sure he gets on socially with the other children.”
Q12. 5-Year-Old Nervous About Starting School
“My son is starting school next week. He is 5. He has told me he is very nervous about it. He went to my mum’s creche prior to this and got very upset on graduation day. He thinks he is leaving both his granny and his routine is completely changing. He doesn’t know anyone in his class and finds it particularly difficult dealing with change.
He is becoming more aggressive during the summer — I think it’s related to being nervous about school — and he is flat-out refusing to do anything related to school now, like buying a school bag or pencil case, no matter how much fun I try to make it. I’m worried he will not react well to school, and that in the coming weeks he may react aggressively to other children out of fear, ending up in trouble early on or being left out by the other kids. Any advice is appreciated.”
Dr Sharry: “It’s good that you’re tuned in to his feelings, because you’re probably right that he’s sad about leaving his granny and facing a lot of change at once. Acknowledge this openly and reassure him he will still see her — maybe even involve her in some of the preparations.
Don’t worry too much about his refusal to buy the bag or pencil case — some children simply don’t like to prepare too far in advance, and he may still settle reasonably well once you explain the steps clearly on the day.
Do, however, manage the aggression directly: keep a firm rule about being polite at home, with clear consequences, and reward good behaviour when you see it. The more this is managed at home, the more he’ll be able to manage himself at school.”
Q13. Afraid of My Boy Having Toilet ‘Accidents’
“My little boy is starting preschool next Monday. He was 3 in May and has been potty trained for almost a year now. I’ve explained to him about asking his teacher when he needs the toilet, washing hands and so on.
Lately I find I have to remind him to go, or ask if he needs to, and he’s had the occasional wet patch on his trousers. I’m nervous he’ll have a lot of ‘accidents’ in school! Any tips would be great?”
Dr Sharry: “At three, needing reminders to go to the toilet is very normal. Preschool teachers are well used to this — flag it to them, and give them a couple of spare pairs of pants and trousers just in case.”
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Every family’s first day looks a little different, but the pattern in these answers is the same: stay warm, stay matter-of-fact, and give it time. Most of what feels like a big problem in August is a small, forgettable moment by October.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal for a child to be nervous about starting school?
Yes — nerves, clinginess and even the odd meltdown in the run-up to starting school are extremely common. Staying calm and positive yourself, and using simple tools like a picture chart to talk through the school day, can help a lot.
What if my child won’t get ready for school — new uniform, bag, or shoes?
Some children resist the “getting ready” part even when they’re not actually against starting school itself. It’s usually not a sign of a bigger problem — you can often ease into it gently rather than pushing, and let the actual first day do the reassuring.
Should I let my child see me upset on their first day?
A little emotion is fine, and can even be explained positively as happy tears. Try not to let your own worry take over the moment, though — keep some attention on noticing how your child is feeling too.
How long does it usually take a child to settle in?
For most children, settling-in issues — tears at drop-off, shyness, reluctance to join in — ease within the first few weeks, especially once a routine and familiar faces are in place.
Related Articles
- So Little One Is Starting School — Are They (And You!) Ready?
- 20 Tips for a Child Starting School
- A First Day of School Poem for Parents
- Tips for a Child Starting School with Serious Allergies
- Back to School Section — More Resources
Save These Ideas for Later
Starting school is just the beginning of a busy year of milestones, routines and new challenges. Browse our Back to School section for more real-parent advice, or bookmark this page to come back to when nerves resurface later in the year.
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