Are you worried about your teenager and drinking? It’s a tricky subject to raise — you want to give your teen some independence, but you also want to know they’re safe. Here is some practical advice for parents on teen drinking.
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As a parent of a teenager and a tween, I’m very aware of the risks around teenage drinking. As adults, we also need to think about the example we’re setting with our own drinking habits.
Why the early teen years matter
Jigsaw, the National Centre for Youth Mental Health (formerly known as Headstrong), has highlighted that alcohol problems among young people tend to become most noticeable during the middle years of secondary school in Ireland.
Starting to drink at a young age is associated with a higher risk of developing problems with alcohol later in life. Underage drinking remains a real concern for parents in Ireland, and it’s worth having open conversations with your teen well before you think they’ll need them.
Delay and distract
Third year — the year of the Junior Cert in Ireland — tends to be a particularly vulnerable time, as it’s often when teens are first exposed to real pressure to drink. It’s worth remembering, though, that plenty of teens this age don’t drink at all. So what can parents do to help their teen resist peer pressure?
You might also like: Helping your Teenager Celebrate the Junior Cert Results Safely
The strength of your relationship matters
The bottom line is simple: a strong parent-child relationship, built on trust, makes a real difference.
Teens are more likely to delay drinking when they have a close, supportive relationship with a parent, backed up by good communication around the topic. A good relationship with you can genuinely influence your teen to want to live up to your expectations.
Warm, positive parenting helps build a teen’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth — both of which make it easier to resist peer pressure. The opposite is also true: when the relationship between parent and teen is full of conflict or feels distant, the teen is more likely to turn to alcohol.
Firm but fair expectations, explained rather than just imposed, help teens make sensible choices. If there’s a history of alcohol problems in your family, it’s worth letting your child know that this may carry extra risk for them personally.
You might also like: Useful Tips for Talking to your Teenager about Drugs
Keep the lines of communication open
Try to keep communication open rather than falling into preaching, lecturing or moralising.
Instead, encourage real conversation by listening without interrupting (something I personally find a challenge) and asking open-ended questions, such as:
- “What do you think about teen drinking?”
- “Why do you think teenagers drink?”
Let your teen talk without jumping in — they’ll feel heard and respected, and you might learn something useful. Try to keep your own emotions in check too. You may hear something you don’t love; take a breath and acknowledge how you feel honestly, rather than reacting straight away.
Aim for every conversation to feel like a two-way street. If you show respect for your teen’s point of view, they’re far more likely to show respect for yours.
Talk to your teen about alcohol facts
Give your teen some real facts about alcohol and honest reasons not to drink, along with clear consequences for breaking agreed rules. Your values matter to your child, even when they don’t act like it. They’ve probably already seen other young people drunk and behaving in ways they wouldn’t want to repeat — it’s fair to say you want them to hold onto their self-respect.
Drinking carries real risks: drink driving is a leading cause of teen injury and death. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, which is part of its appeal, but it also increases vulnerability to sexual assault and unprotected sex.
Underage drinking is illegal in Ireland, and other parents may (understandably) limit their own teen’s contact with your child if drinking is involved. It’s also worth reminding your teen that anyone — including a teenager — can develop a genuine problem with alcohol.
It helps to talk through tricky situations in advance. For example: “If you’re ever somewhere you don’t feel comfortable, call me and I’ll come and get you — no questions asked, no punishment.”
Practical tips for dealing with alcohol and your teen
- Build a warm, trusting relationship with your child
- Keep communication open so they know they can talk to you
- Be mindful of how your own attitude to alcohol comes across
- Support their self-esteem — it helps them resist peer pressure
- Talk with them, not at them, about the risks of underage drinking
- Give them honest reasons not to drink
- Set clear, realistic expectations for their behaviour
- Talk through tricky situations together, in advance
- Agree consequences — and follow through on them
- Encourage sport, hobbies and other activities they enjoy
Over to you now. What’s your experience with your teen and alcohol? Share your own tips for other parents in the comments below.
You might also like
- Helping your Teenager Celebrate the Junior Cert Results Safely
- Useful Tips for Talking to your Teenager about Drugs
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