If you find yourself putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, or you feel a distinct lack of inner peace, this is the perfect time to learn some new skills — in particular, how to be happier — with expert advice from psychotherapist, mindfulness practitioner and author Abby Wynne.
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Every year it’s the same story — we set ourselves up with unrealistic expectations of diets and daily gym trips, and then end up feeling disheartened and annoyed at ourselves for not following through.
If we’re being totally honest, a lot of the time we just want to kick back, put our feet up and watch TV with our favourite snacks. And guess what? If it gives you peace, then go for it — because inner peace is essential, and you certainly don’t find it when you’re rushing around, putting everyone’s needs ahead of your own.
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Learn How To Be Happier: 3 Easy Steps You Can Start Today
Be Nice To Yourself
Here’s my take on it: to get inner peace, you have to give yourself inner peace. Be peaceful on the inside. To achieve that, you need to be nicer to yourself.
To learn how to be nice to yourself, you first have to notice what it is you’re saying in your own mind. That’s not always easy, because our thoughts are so busy with background noise. Just as tuning into a radio station that plays sad music all day would make you sad, the tone of your thoughts affects your emotions. I call this your subconscious thought stream — the thoughts running in the background that you’re not really aware of, but that still influence you.
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How Can You Start?
Know that you are not your thoughts, and you get to choose consciously whether you believe them or not. For example, if we keep telling ourselves how lazy or how stupid we are, we start to believe it. Every time we create these thoughts, we hand our power over to them.
Know too that the tone of your subconscious thoughts is shaped by your life experiences, the people around you, and what you allow into your awareness. When you’ve been playing the same music in your head all your life, it’s simply what you’re used to.
Being nicer to yourself may sound simple, but it can actually be tricky to start. Here are three ways you can learn to be nicer to yourself without having to go too far out of your comfort zone, or use up energy you just don’t have right now.
The Three Steps to Happiness
#### #1. Tune In – and Really Listen
You have the power to soften the music and make it much more uplifting. Start by learning what the words are that you’re using — notice your most common thoughts and write them down, using the exact language you use in your mind. Put it all into a notebook. No judgement, no engagement — just get the facts down.
#### #2. Make Time For Yourself
Make an appointment to sit down with yourself for some contemplative time. It doesn’t need to be longer than 10 minutes, but you do need to protect that time and space.
Choose one of the thoughts you documented in your notebook and pick it apart. Look at your achievements, and remind yourself that you are capable. Tell yourself it would be much easier for you to have a gentle reminder in your head, instead of a screaming banshee.
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#### #3. Replace Your Most Damaging Thoughts
Once you’ve gently picked the thought apart and realised it’s no longer valid, create a thought that acts as its antidote. For example, replace “I’m lazy and stupid and I should have had all of those things done ages ago” with “I’m doing as much as I am able to do today, and it will get done when it’s done.”
This is something you may need to do consciously at first, with pen and paper in hand. But once you have your healing thought, you’re more than half way there. You just need to plant it into your subconscious thought stream, by thinking it consciously every time your mind throws up the equivalent damaging thought. Do this consistently and the tone changes — it becomes softer, lighter and friendlier — and you slowly uncover the inner peace that was there all along.
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Take It One Day At A Time
This may feel a bit like work to begin with. But over time it gets easier, and as the tone of that inner music shifts, life feels more peaceful and hopeful.
I find most people need a little help to sustain this kind of work, as it takes time to really stick. I’ve created affirmations, visualisations and meditations designed to help you recalibrate — healing thoughts you can repeat in your mind to gently change the tone of your subconscious thought stream. You’ll find more tools like these, along with further writing on mindfulness and inner peace, over on my website.
It’s all there for you — all you’ve got to do is say yes to yourself.
Do you want to learn how to be happier? How can you be kinder to yourself? Leave a comment below and let us know — we’d love to hear from you!
Related Articles
If this got you thinking about carving out a little more headspace for yourself, you might also enjoy:
- Why Decluttering Is Good For Your Mind
- Recommended: The Best Colouring Pages for Adults
- 10 Quick Ways for Busy Parents to Reclaim Some Me Time
- These Two Mums Took Frantic Mornings To A Whole New Level!
Save This For Later
Not ready to start today? No problem — bookmark this article or save it to your favourite parenting board so it’s there whenever you need a gentle reminder to be kinder to yourself.
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