Parenting a teenager can be one of the trickiest stages of family life. One minute they’re the sweet child you remember, the next they’re rolling their eyes at everything you say. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster for many of us — so here are some tips on how to navigate the teenage years.
You might also enjoy reading: 20 Important Things You Should Tell Your Teenager
It genuinely can feel like the happy, easy-going child you had has suddenly become a moody teenager who argues with everything you say. You can feel like you’re the “baddy” no matter what you do. They don’t share things with you the way they used to — in fact, they might become quite secretive, and it can feel like they’re locking you out of their life.
On top of that, you’re worried about the bigger issues — safety when they’re out, how they’re handling peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, and the whole area of relationships and sex.
It’s tough parenting a teen, that’s for sure.
Navigating the Teenage Years
Dr John Sharry says that “Being a parent is a bit like being the captain on a long boat or plane journey with your children. You start the journey with a destination in mind and a navigation plan, but throughout the journey you can get thrown off course by different challenges and problems, much in the same way as a plane is put off course by weather or other air traffic.”
It’s a good analogy for parenting through the teenage years — sometimes smooth, sometimes bumpy, with some navigation definitely needed to stay the course.
Here are some tips to hopefully help you navigate these teenage years:
#1. Remember it is difficult for teens too
Just as parents find the roadmap of parenting has changed, remember that teens are going through huge amounts of change in a short space of time. It’s not surprising they may feel scared, confused, or lacking in confidence.
They’re changing physically, which can make them feel self-conscious and awkward. They’re changing emotionally and can be subject to mood swings. And they’re becoming intellectually more sophisticated, developing their own opinions and views on the world.
Their teen brains are also going through a whole new stage of development — the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and judgement) is still developing, which helps explain why they sometimes make decisions that seem, to adults, to lack good judgement. So rather than getting angry over what looks like a poor choice, take a deep breath and remember this is an underdeveloped-brain moment, not a character flaw.
#2. Being a good co-pilot
Dr Sharry’s advice about being a good co-pilot is a helpful way to think about this stage. When a child is born, the parent is in the pilot’s seat and firmly in charge of the controls — making all the decisions about what they wear, where they go, and who they see. He advises parents of teens to “change your role to that of ‘co-pilot’, where the aim is to slowly teach your children all they need to become confident adults and to be able to responsibly fly their own plane.”
So support them, but let them learn from their mistakes and their achievements. Start to hand over the responsibilities of independent adulthood, slowly but surely. Don’t be tempted to do everything for them. Instead, help them build the skills they’ll need when they eventually leave home, such as:
- managing their money
- grocery shopping
- cooking basic meals
- doing their own laundry
You might also enjoy reading: 11 Money Management Tips for Your Teen and 30 Life Skills Every Kid Should Learn
#3. Don’t fear letting go
It’s not always easy, but it helps to teach yourself, slowly, to let go and let your teen take the lead in areas they’re ready for.
Try never to be critical of them doing something their own way.
And remember to give guidance when it’s asked for. For example, if your teen needs to contact a teacher, show them how — that it’s okay to ask for what they need, and that they can be polite while still being quietly confident (and that teachers are people too).
You might also enjoy reading: Living with My 13 Year Old
#4. Remember you are a role model
If you want your teen to grow into a strong, independent adult, show them how.
You’re their number one role model — after all, they live with you and watch you every day.
Think about how it comes across when you rant about someone who annoyed you, or how you react to a challenge that comes up.
If you make a mistake, show them how you make up for it or learn from it.
And always be willing to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” It goes a long way.
You might also enjoy reading: 5 Ways to Help You Navigate the Terrible Teens
#5. Try not to take the grumps personally
Depending on your personality, it can be tricky when your teen is grumpy, critical, or short with you. Take a deep breath and try not to react straight away.
Teen stresses — emotional, physical, and intellectual — often make it easier for them to lash out than to talk things through.
If they’re pushing back against you, remember it’s rarely a personal attack — it’s part of them forging their own identity.
Try just to be there for them, stay involved as far as they’ll let you, and keep showing them that you support them.
#6. Remember this is the last part of their childhood with you
It’s normal to feel emotional at the thought that your teen is growing up fast and will be gone from home before too long. This later stage of childhood can be a real opportunity — a chance to get to know your older child in a new way, as a young, nearly-adult person rather than a child. It’s worth putting the effort into building this new kind of relationship together.
Staying involved in your teen’s life means sharing in their achievements and enjoying the things they’re discovering and excited about. Try to feel privileged to be part of their life right now — and enjoy every minute, grumps and all.
You might also enjoy reading: 15 Things I Wish I’d Known When I was a Teenager
Over to you now. Do you have any tips to share from your own experience of parenting through the teenage years? Share them with us in the comments below.
Related Articles
- 20 Important Things You Should Tell Your Teenager
- 11 Money Management Tips for Your Teen
- 30 Life Skills Every Kid Should Learn
- Living with My 13 Year Old
- 5 Ways to Help You Navigate the Terrible Teens
- 15 Things I Wish I’d Known When I was a Teenager
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If this resonated with you, take a browse through our other family life articles for more honest, practical parenting advice — and feel free to save or bookmark this one for whenever you need a reminder that you’re not alone in this.
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