Adolescence can be a rollercoaster — for teenagers and for the parents raising them. One day your teen is full of confidence, the next they’re withdrawn and hard to reach. Understanding what’s happening beneath the surface, and knowing small, practical ways to support their self-esteem, can make a real difference to how your teen feels about themselves and how you get through these years together.
This guidance draws on the Parenting Positively: Teenage Wellbeing booklet from Barnardos, which offers tips for parents on building a teenager’s confidence, understanding peer influence, and recognising when extra support might be needed.
Confidence and self-esteem
“I used to point out the things my son did wrong, like getting poor marks in one of his subjects. Now I pay more attention to the other results and would compliment him more about things in general. I can’t believe the change it has made to our relationship.” — Mary, parent of a 14-year-old boy
How can I help my teenager feel more confident and happy about themselves?
A little praise and encouragement goes a long way toward building your teen’s confidence and self-esteem. Notice their achievements, no matter how small — whether it’s school work, sport, a hobby, or simply how they get on with family and friends.
Every teenager is unique. Point out what’s special about your own child, and let them know they’re loved without conditions attached.
My teenager is very influenced by friends and what they think. Is this normal?
Yes — friendships matter enormously to teenagers, and that’s a normal part of growing up. Healthy friendships built on trust and support can be a genuinely positive influence. Peer influence can motivate your teen and help them find their feet socially.
That said, some teenagers experience negative peer pressure or bullying, and it’s worth staying alert to how their friendships are affecting them.
Keeping regular, relaxed communication going with your child helps you pick up on the kind of impact their peers are having. Practise active listening, especially if something feels off. If bullying is happening at school, talk to teachers — and, where appropriate, the parents of the other child involved. Don’t forget to get support for yourself too, if you need it.
You may also enjoy — 10 Important Pieces of Advice to Give Your Teenage Son, 10 Important Things You Should Tell Your Teenage Daughter, and 20 Important Things You Should Tell Your Teen.
How to spot worrying behaviour
Here’s a list of behaviours worth keeping an eye on in any teenager. If you notice these signs and feel concerned, it’s important to seek professional advice rather than trying to manage it alone.
- Becoming withdrawn and losing interest in friends, sport or favourite activities.
- Changes in sleep patterns — not sleeping, or sleeping for unusually long periods.
- Avoiding food, overeating, or excessively exercising.
- Seeming preoccupied or obsessed with a particular issue.
- A noticeable change in mood — hostility, anxiety or low mood.
- A sudden drop in school performance.
- Doing things that don’t make sense to others.
- Seeing or hearing things that nobody else sees or hears.
- Excessive tiredness or neglect of personal hygiene.
- Wearing long-sleeved clothing in hot weather and avoiding places like swimming pools — this may suggest they’re hiding signs of self-harm.
If any of this sounds familiar, please talk to your GP, your child’s school, or a support organisation for guidance on next steps. This list is here to help you notice changes early, not to diagnose — professional support is the right next step if you’re worried.
Self-care for parents
Understanding teenage development goes a long way toward coping with the ups and downs of raising a teen — but looking after yourself matters too.
- Take time for the things you’ve always enjoyed — reading, seeing friends, exercise, the cinema, whatever recharges you.
- Talk to other parents of teenagers. Comparing notes with the parents of your teen’s friends can be a helpful source of information and support.
- Try to lighten up where you can, and bring a bit of humour to the job.
- Look into whether there’s a parenting course running in your area.
- Seek support for yourself in other areas of life too — relationships, budgeting, housing, bereavement, bullying or separation — if you need it.
More information for teenagers on wellbeing is available from Barnardos at barnardos.ie/teenhelp.
Frequently asked questions
How do I build my teenager’s self-esteem without being over the top?
Keep praise specific and genuine — notice real effort and real achievement rather than handing out constant generic compliments. Teenagers tend to see through empty praise but respond well to being truly noticed.
Is it normal for my teenager to care more about friends’ opinions than mine?
Yes, this is a typical part of adolescent development. Staying connected through regular, low-pressure conversation helps you stay aware of how those friendships are affecting them, without needing to compete with them.
When should I worry about my teen’s behaviour rather than putting it down to “normal teenage moods”?
If you notice several warning signs together — withdrawal, sleep or eating changes, a sudden drop in school performance, or signs of self-harm — trust your instinct and seek professional advice rather than waiting to see if it passes.
Where can I get support as a parent of a teenager?
Barnardos’ teen wellbeing resources, your GP, your child’s school, and local parenting courses are all good starting points.
Related articles
- Survival Guide for Teenagers: How to Live with Parents
- Parenting Tips: How to Deal With Teenagers
- 10 Important Pieces of Advice to Give Your Teenage Son
- 10 Important Things You Should Tell Your Teenage Daughter
- 20 Important Things You Should Tell Your Teen
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