Of all the daily flashpoints between parents and children, bedtime is one of the most common. Young children especially are prone to meltdowns at this time of day — and let’s be honest, by the evening both tired parents and tired kids are running low on patience.
Children’s behavioural specialist and author Alicia Eaton shares her tips for building a bedtime routine that actually works, without the nightly battle.
Bedtime can be a genuinely tricky time of day. It’s easy to snap when you’re exhausted, and easy to assume your child is “being difficult.” But from your child’s point of view, they’re not trying to wind you up — they simply don’t feel ready to go to bed yet.
So what can parents do? Here are seven tips to help establish a proper bedtime routine.
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How to Create a Good Bedtime Routine
#1. Create a Timetable
It really does help to write out a timetable showing the exact time for:
- tidying up
- going upstairs
- laying out school things
- bathing
- teeth brushing, and
- reading a story
right up until “lights out.”
My tip: Write the schedule on a large piece of paper and put it somewhere your child can see. If everyone knows what they’re supposed to be doing, there will be fewer arguments.
#2. Be Consistent
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Do the same thing each night for at least a week and you’ll start to see things change. Consistency is the key here.
My tip: If after a week you’re still struggling to get your kids up to bed, try starting the routine a little earlier.
#3. Keep Bedrooms Tidy
It’s not relaxing for your child to sleep in a room with toys, shoes, clothes and books strewn across the floor. We all feel calmer in an uncluttered environment.
My tip: Make tidying up part of the bedtime routine — it also helps signal the “end of the day.”
#4. Make Bedtime Dark
It’s better to sleep in a dark environment, because light affects the hormones that regulate our sleep patterns. As light dims in the evening, our bodies produce melatonin, the chemical that tells us it’s time to sleep.
The sooner you can help your child get used to sleeping in a dark room, the better. If they use a night-light, try weaning them off it gradually, making the room a little darker each night until the light is no longer needed.
My tip: Use blackout blinds to help block out light on bright summer evenings.
#5. Keep Screens Out of the Bedroom
Keeping phones, tablets, laptops and gaming devices out of the bedroom is best all around — the stimulation from screens can keep your child’s mind active when it should be winding down.
If a device is charging nearby, the temptation to check it or chat with friends in the small hours will be hard to resist.
The same goes for TVs. Bedrooms are for sleeping and relaxing, not watching screens. It might be a tough sell, but it makes a real difference to sleep quality.
My tip: Charge devices somewhere else in the house, not in the bedroom.
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Don’t Miss…
Cuddle up and get ready for a cosy bedtime with our list of 100 brilliant bedtime stories for kids and adults to enjoy together — all recommended by parents!
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#6. Don’t Let Bedtime Anxiety Derail You
It can be tempting to let a child who’s nervous about going to sleep — maybe because they’re afraid of the dark, or prone to nightmares — settle into a staggered bedtime routine, snoozing on the sofa before being carried up to bed.
But this can make the problem worse. Children need to learn how to fall asleep independently, in their own bed, and disrupting that pattern regularly only adds to bedtime troubles down the line.
My tip: Create a “Worry Box” to help with anxieties. Too often, the first chance a child gets to think about their worries is at the end of the day, just as their mind is starting to slow down — which is why worries can suddenly spill out at bath time.
Encourage your child to write each worry down on a small piece of paper, fold it up, and pop it into a decorated shoebox — their own Worry Box. The idea is that once a worry is written down and put away, the mind can let go of it for now. Let your child open the box once a week to look back and see how many of those worries actually needed worrying about at all.
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#7. Know How Much Sleep Your Child Needs
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“How many hours’ sleep are children supposed to have?” is a question Alicia is often asked. Many parents aren’t sure exactly how much sleep their child should be getting. According to the NHS, here’s a useful guide by age:
Recommended amount of sleep by age:
- 1 year old: 2hrs 30 mins day and 11hrs night
- 2 year old: 1hr 30 mins day and 11hrs 30 mins night
- 3 year old: 1–45 mins day and 11hrs 30 mins–12hrs night
- 4 year old: 11hrs 30 mins
- 5 year old: 11hrs
- 6 year old: 10hrs 45 mins
- 7 year old: 10hrs 30 mins
- 8 year old: 10hrs 15 mins
- 9 year old: 10hrs
- 10 year old: 9hrs 45 mins
- 11 year old: 9hrs 30 mins
- 12 year old: 9hrs 15 mins
- 13 year old: 9hrs 15 mins
- 14 year old: 9hrs
- 15 year old: 9hrs
- 16 year old: 9hrs
Alicia Eaton is a Behavioural and Emotional Wellbeing Specialist with a practice in London’s Harley Street. You can read more of her advice on children’s sleep issues in her book Words that Work – How to Get Kids to Do Almost Anything.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What time should my child go to bed?
There’s no single “right” bedtime — it depends on your child’s age, how early they wake, and how much sleep they need overall (see the guide above). What matters most is consistency: a regular bedtime, kept most nights, helps your child’s body clock settle into a predictable rhythm.
How do I stop bedtime meltdowns?
Meltdowns often happen when a child is overtired, unsure what’s expected of them, or anxious about something. A clear, consistent routine — the same steps, in the same order, most nights — gives children a sense of predictability that reduces resistance over time.
What if my child is scared of the dark or has nightmares?
Avoid letting your child fall asleep somewhere other than their own bed, even if it feels like the easier option in the moment — it can make independent sleep harder to establish. Instead, try a Worry Box to help them offload anxious thoughts before bed, and take gradual steps to reduce reliance on a night-light rather than removing it all at once.
How much sleep does my child actually need?
This varies by age. Use the NHS-based guide above as a general reference point, and watch your own child’s mood and energy levels as the best day-to-day indicator of whether they’re getting enough rest.
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- No More Naps? Tips for Toddler Quiet Time
Enjoyed This?
If bedtime battles are a regular feature in your house, save this article for the next tricky evening — and take a look at our other sleep and family life articles for more ideas that have worked for other parents.
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