Are you entering that stage of parenting where your kids are growing up and starting to question everything? It usually starts with a few leading questions, and before long — boom — you get hit with the big one: “Is Santa real?”
If, like a lot of parents, you’re not quite sure how to answer, we love this open letter from dad Rob Watson to his 11-year-old twin boys. Here’s how to tell your kids the truth about Santa, in his own words.
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The Question Every Parent Dreads
My own son has started to question everything, and as Christmas approached this year, I was fervently hoping not to be asked about Santa. There have been rumblings, though — stories of the boy next door who doesn’t believe anymore, because his dad and Santa apparently use the same wrapping paper. (Who would use the same wrapping paper?)
But my son still truly wants to believe. “You wouldn’t have had the money to buy me that present last year, would you?” he asks me. He’s still answering these questions himself, and I’m glad we may get another year out of the magic yet.
I know it’s coming, though, and I’ve often wondered how best to tell him — and whether I should be the one to do it, before one of his friends takes the wonder away for him.
Dad of twin boys Rob Watson was getting the same rumblings, and he wanted to be the one who told his sons the truth. Here’s his open letter to them.
One Dad’s Open Letter to His Twins
Hi guys. I have been meaning to have this talk with you for some time now. I can have it now because you are getting to be grown up. You can take part in things in a way that you could not as little boys.
You know about the mystery and the magic of Christmas. You’ve experienced it. Everyone we know is caring, shopping, giving and sharing. The world is transformed, brilliant and electric. You go to bed on Christmas Eve, and when you wake up on Christmas morning, magically, intriguingly, Santa’s gifts to you are here, and your stockings are full.
You know how magic works. We’ve been to magic shows where we’ve witnessed things appear and disappear, created out of nowhere. Those shows have taught us one thing — that things may actually happen in a different way than we think we see them happening. That’s the wonder of “illusion”.
The illusion around Christmas is that Santa comes, flies the whole globe and pops down chimneys even where they don’t exist. Many people have imagined exactly how that happens. We’ve all seen the movies. They imagine different kinds of sleighs he arrives in, who the reindeer are, and what elves really look like.
All of these are created in our minds. We can’t prove or disprove any of them — like a magic trick on stage, we can only guess at how it’s done.
How it’s done doesn’t matter, but we’ll talk about that in a minute. Right now, I want to tell you the truth. I want to tell you exactly who the real Santa Claus is.
The Facts
Santa Claus was born almost two thousand years ago, only a few hundred years after Jesus. He lived in Turkey. He was an important man there, and became famous for giving — secretly. He gave so that the person receiving the gift never knew who it came from.
Over the years, plenty of people have pictured Santa looking just like themselves — you’ve probably seen the debates online about what Santa “really” looks like, with everyone imagining him a little differently.
Here’s a picture that scientists have put together on what he really looked like.
image credit BBC Image Foundry Studio
He’s jolly and portly, with a white beard. His skin is darker than you may have seen in pictures, and he has brown eyes.
Of all of us in our family, he looks most like Jason. It really doesn’t matter though, because he is much bigger and more powerful than what he looks like. His name then was Nicholas.
I’m sorry to say that he died, but after he did, his spirit went out into the world, and that’s when people really felt his impact. They named him Saint Nicholas. You may have heard that name before. It got used so often, as his spirit inspired miracles, that it changed over time: Saint Nicholas, Saint-A-Nicholas, Saint-Na-Claus, and finally Santa Claus.
Santa Claus, the spirit, is so huge that it made everyone want to get creative and give secret presents and surprises every Christmas. As we did, we all imagined who Santa is and how it all gets done. That’s how the illusions came to be.
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What Does That Mean for Us?
Who brings you, Jesse and Jason, your Christmas presents? I’m sure you guys have ideas and theories to solve that mystery, but I have a better idea. Don’t solve it. Let’s let it stay a mystery.
You may think it’s Santa in a sleigh, or Saint Nicholas and his magic spirit, or that he has a helper who sneaks in and gets things done. You might even think I have something to do with it. I’m saying: it doesn’t matter, and you can guess whatever you want. I will neither confirm nor deny any of it.
Here’s what is important. You’re old enough now. You’re responsible enough now. It’s your turn to help out Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas. You’re old enough to start imagining how you can give to others in secret — not to get thanked or praised, but just to make them happy.
I did it once like this, for example: we were in a restaurant where a young couple helped an older couple who were struggling to get to their table. They were all strangers, but had kind hearts. I caught the waitress and told her I wanted to pay the young couple’s bill without them knowing. You were both there and asked what I was doing, and I wouldn’t tell you. She took care of it for me. The couple was delighted and wanted to thank whoever was responsible, but they couldn’t, because they didn’t know who I was. They’d just have to pass it on and do a “Saint Nicholas” for someone else one day.
That’s how it works. You guys are already doing it, and I’m very proud of you. You’ve thought of things people in our family would like, things that would make them happy. That’s where your imaginations have gone. You’re doing Saint Nicholas. You’re being Santa Claus.
The Miracle of Christmas
The miracle of Christmas isn’t in what we get, and it isn’t in what we see. It’s in what we feel, what we imagine, and what we give to create love and happiness. I want you two to never let anyone take that away from you.
Your feelings about Christmas, your ideas about how to make others happy, and the love we have for each other — those are all invisible, but they are the most real things in the world. I believe in them with all my heart, and I hope you do too.
There’s only one thing I believe in more, and that’s you.
I’m sorry if you still have other questions about our own Christmases that you feel you haven’t had answered. How did you get that present, when, and how did whoever got it for you know what you wanted? As I said, I can’t confirm or deny who that person is, or how they operated as an agent of St Nick. St Nick doesn’t want identities to be known.
What I can tell you is this: that person loves you more than anything. They feel that every gift you got, you deserved, and more. That’s the most important answer you’ll ever need.
Merry Christmas. Show me the Saint Nicks I know you can be.
I love you.
Daddy.
With thanks to dad Rob Watson of Evol = for allowing us to share this very special letter — you can read the full original over on Evol=.
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Talking to Your Own Kids About Santa
Every family finds their own way through this conversation, and there’s no single “right” age or right script. Some children ask outright and want a straight answer; others, like the dad above, would rather keep guessing a little longer. A few gentle principles can help, whatever your child’s age:
- Follow their lead. If they’re asking direct questions, they may already be ready for a direct-ish answer. If they’re happy in the mystery, there’s no rush to end it.
- Turn it into something bigger than a “yes or no”. Framing Santa as a spirit of secret kindness — rather than one specific person — lets the magic continue in a different form.
- Invite them in on the giving. Letting an older child help choose or wrap a gift for a younger sibling, or plan a surprise for someone else, gives them a new, grown-up role in the tradition instead of taking something away.
- Keep it warm, not clinical. However you explain it, the tone matters more than the exact wording. A loving conversation lands better than a rehearsed one.
Santa FAQs
What age should I tell my child the truth about Santa?
There’s no fixed age — it depends on the child. Many parents find the subject comes up naturally between the ages of 7 and 11, often prompted by a question from your child rather than a decision you make. Let their curiosity guide the timing where you can.
What if my child asks me directly?
Try answering with a gentle question back, such as “What do you think?” This buys you a moment to gauge how ready they are, and often children reveal that they already suspect the answer and just want reassurance that it’s okay to grow out of it.
What if they find out from a friend before I’ve told them?
It happens, and it’s not a disaster. Reassure your child that the magic and love behind Santa are still real, even once the details change, and let them know it’s fine to ask you anything.
Should I tell them Santa isn’t real, or let them work it out?
Either approach is valid. Some parents prefer a clear, warm conversation like the one above; others let the realisation dawn gradually. What matters most is that your child feels safe asking questions and doesn’t feel silly for having believed.
How do I keep the magic alive for younger siblings once an older child knows?
Many families bring the older child in as a “Christmas helper” who’s now in on the secret and can help make it magical for younger brothers and sisters — turning the moment of finding out into a new kind of fun.
Related Reading
- The Best Santa Tracker Websites for Extra Christmas Eve Fun!
- Make This Secret Santa Gift for Under a Fiver
- 50 Delightful Christmas Activities for Kids
Save This for Later
Christmas conversations like this one tend to catch you off guard, so it’s worth bookmarking or saving this article now for whenever the questions start in your house.
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