Many years ago, the “Ask Ann Landers” advice column, syndicated in newspapers across the United States, printed a list called “12 Rules for Raising Children.” Coming across it again recently got us thinking: do these parenting tips still hold up, or has family life moved on too much?
A lot has changed since this list first did the rounds. Families today are more secular, on the whole — while faith still matters greatly to many, it’s no longer assumed to be central to every household. Family structures have shifted too, moving well beyond the once-presumed “norm” of a married heterosexual couple with a stay-at-home mother. Today’s families come in every shape and size: same-sex parents, blended families, single-parent households, co-parenting arrangements, and more — each bringing its own dynamics, challenges and rewards.
So, do these 12 tips still ring true for your family? Here’s the original advice, updated where it needed it.
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Where the List Came From
“Ann Landers” was a pen name created in 1943 by Chicago Sun-Times columnist Ruth Crowley, and later taken over by Esther “Eppie” Lederer in 1955. For 56 years, the syndicated “Ask Ann Landers” column was a household name across North America — something of a national institution.
One reader’s letter, asking for the list to be reprinted after her original clipping wore out from years of being carried in her wallet, is why the “12 Rules for Raising Children” resurfaces every so often. Here’s that list, tip by tip — with a modern lens where it was needed.
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#1. A Child Is a Gift
Remember that a child is a gift — the richest of all blessings. Don’t try to mould them in the image of yourself, your mother or father, your sister or brother, or your neighbour. Each child is an individual and should be free to be themselves.
#2. Be Careful about Comparisons
Don’t crush a child’s spirit when they fail, and never compare them with others who have outshone them.
#3. Encourage Your Child to Talk
Remember that anger and frustration are natural emotions. Talk to your child if you notice they’re feeling angry, and remind them that these feelings are normal — a problem shared really is a problem halved. Bottling things up isn’t good for anyone.
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#4. Fair Discipline
Discipline your child with firmness and reason. Don’t let your own anger throw you off balance. If your child knows you’re being fair, you won’t lose their respect or their love — and make sure the response fits the situation. Even the youngest child has a keen sense of justice.
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#5. United Parents
Your child needs a loving family, however big or small that looks. If you’re co-parenting with a partner or former partner, present a united front. Try never to side with your child against their other parent — it can create emotional conflict, guilt, confusion and insecurity, for your child and for you.
#6. Give Your Child the Chance to Be Responsible
Don’t hand your child everything their heart desires. Let them feel the thrill of earning and the joy of achieving something themselves. That sense of personal accomplishment is one of the greatest satisfactions a child can have.
You may also enjoy: 50 Positive and Encouraging Messages Your Child Needs to Hear
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#7. Be Honest
Don’t set yourself up as the picture of perfection — it’s a hard role to play 24 hours a day. It’s easier to connect with your child when they know that mums and dads make mistakes too.
#8. Avoid Impossible Promises and Threats
Don’t make threats in anger, or promises you can’t keep just because you’re feeling generous. Only offer what you can follow through on. To a child, a parent’s word means everything — a child who loses faith in their parents can find it hard to believe in much else.
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#9. Don’t Smother Your Child
Don’t smother your child with surface-level shows of “love.” The healthiest kind of love comes through day-to-day guidance and encouragement — the kind that builds self-confidence and independence.
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#10. Teach Them the Value of Work
Teach your child that there’s dignity in hard work, whatever shape it takes — hands-on trades and skilled professions alike. Help them see that a useful, purposeful life is a rewarding one.
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#11. Don’t Be Overprotective
Don’t try to shield your child from every small setback or disappointment. Working through adversity builds character and compassion — let them learn from it.
#12. Teach Them to Love Themselves and Others
Teach your child to love themselves and to care for others. Children learn by example, not just by being told — so work on loving yourself and loving others, even when that’s hard some days.
You may also enjoy: 50+ Random Acts of Kindness for Families to Do Together
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Frequently Asked Questions
Where did this list of parenting tips originally come from?
It first appeared in the “Ask Ann Landers” newspaper column, one of the longest-running syndicated advice columns in North America, and was reprinted many times over the decades at readers’ request.
Do all 12 tips still apply to families today?
Most of the core ideas — fairness, honesty, encouragement, avoiding overprotection — hold up well. A few needed updated language to reflect more inclusive, diverse family structures and a more secular outlook than the original 1950s wording assumed.
Is this list meant to be a strict parenting rulebook?
Not at all. It’s a reflective piece — a chance to think about which parenting values still resonate with your own family, rather than a set of rules to follow to the letter.
Related Articles
- 15 Positive Parenting Techniques for Every Parent
- What is Authoritative Parenting – and Does it Benefit Your Child?
- Here Are Some Valuable Co-Parenting Tips
- 50 Positive and Encouraging Messages Your Child Needs to Hear
- 25 Special Ways to Spend Quality Time with Your Child
- 50+ Random Acts of Kindness for Families to Do Together
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