Being a parent is one of life’s greatest joys, but it also brings real stress and constant demands. It’s easy to pour all your energy into your children and forget about your own needs completely. In this article, we share some thoughts on why looking after yourself for the kids’ sake matters, and some practical advice on how to do it — because a well cared-for parent is a better parent.
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Stress and Demands
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Becoming a parent brings enormous joy and satisfaction, but it’s also inherently stressful and demanding, and it can take a real toll on your mental health. We can easily pour all our energy into caring for and attending to our children, sacrificing our own personal needs and self-care along the way.
When juggling all the many demands placed on us, it’s too easy to cut ourselves off from rest, recreation, or even the people who naturally support us. Over time, this leads to burnout, stress and depletion.
This is especially true if you’re dealing with extra challenges, such as caring for a child with additional needs, a stressful job, or a family loss or crisis.
Dealing with Guilt
Many parents today carry constant guilt — a nagging feeling that they aren’t parenting “right” or aren’t doing enough. That guilt only adds to the pressure.
For some parents, becoming a parent doesn’t feel the way they expected. Instead of straightforward joy and love, they may experience a sense of loss for their old life, or feel their child as a burden at times.
These feelings are a normal part of parenting, but when they’re pushed down and repressed rather than acknowledged, they can lead to extra guilt, ongoing stress, or depression. Feelings like these are often at the root of postnatal depression.
Prioritise Your Own Welfare
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If you sacrifice your own needs and mental health for the sake of your children, it can — ironically — work against your children’s best interests in the long run. If you become stressed, burnt out, or depressed as a parent, you’re no longer able to be fully there for them.
When your mental health suffers, you can become negative, inconsistent, resentful, or even neglectful in your parenting.
That’s why it’s so important for parents to prioritise their own welfare and mental health alongside caring for their children. It’s a crucial balance to strike — as much for your children’s sake as for your own.
Children need cared-for parents just as much as they need parents who care for them.
Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On
It’s a bit like the safety notice on planes: even though your instinct might be the opposite, you should put your own oxygen mask on before helping your child with theirs. This is why, when making important parenting decisions, it’s worth factoring in your own mental health needs as a parent — not just your child’s.
For example, when deciding how to approach a baby not sleeping through the night, some parents choose to let their child co-sleep with them for a while, while others work hard at helping the child settle in their own room. The right decision is as much about what’s least disruptive and most restful for the parent as it is about what works for the child.
Or with a toddler, you might feel pressure to start toilet training, but if you’re going through a difficult period at work, it might be wiser to hold off until you have more time and patience to give.
Or with older children, you might find yourself stressed out ferrying them to every extra-curricular activity, when it would be better for your own mental health to cut back significantly, or find other ways to get them there.
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Some Suggested Strategies
In clinical practice, many parents come looking for strategies to deal with their children’s behavioural problems. But often, they’re so stressed or overwhelmed that they aren’t even in a position to reflect on their own reactions, let alone put a behaviour management plan into action.
#1. Take a Step Back and Make a Plan
The first step is to take a step back and build a plan around your own self-care and support. You need to work towards feeling more secure and centred as a parent.
A common piece of advice is to redirect some of the time and energy you’re putting into caring for your children towards caring for yourself instead.
Taking that step back and shifting your perspective can make a big difference.
#2. Separate Your Needs
Once you feel more relaxed and secure, you can begin to understand your own reactions and separate your own needs from those of your children. From that place, you can start making genuine choices in how you parent and how you tackle any problems that arise.
Parenting is about your relationship with your children, but good parenting starts with your relationship with yourself. The more you understand the sources of your own reactions and attend to your own needs, the better you’ll be able to understand and respond to your children’s individual needs.
#3. Prioritise Your Mental Health
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Learn to prioritise your own mental health alongside supporting your children’s wellbeing.
In the long run, practising self-care as a parent benefits your children as much as it benefits you. Not only will you feel more secure, content and fulfilled as a person, but your children will have access to a more available, attentive and consistent parent.
#4. Practise Daily Self-Care
Try to build in a daily relaxation time for yourself that you protect and keep sacred. This could be:
- A short daily walk
- Doing yoga
- Fifteen minutes of reading before bed
- Simply having a cup of tea while listening to the radio
- Calling a good friend for a chat
Find whatever works for you, and make it a habit.
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#5. Have a Weekly Review Time
Set aside a weekly review time to check in on the important priorities in your life. Are you getting the right balance between work and personal life? Is there a healthy balance between parenting your children and attending to your own needs as an individual?
Take time to understand your own needs and wishes as a person, alongside all the demands placed on you as a parent, worker, partner, and more.
#6. Take Action if You Feel You’re Getting Overstressed
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Notice the early warning signs of rising stress — tiredness, irritation, or even physical illness. Take early action to address things. You might seek support, look at changing your routine, or say no to less important demands.
This might mean extra work in the short term, such as setting up a more relaxing routine or arranging some extra childcare, but it will pay off in the long term.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Why is it important to look after yourself as a parent?
Your wellbeing directly affects your parenting. When you’re stressed, burnt out or depleted, it becomes harder to stay patient, present and consistent with your children. Looking after yourself isn’t selfish — it’s part of caring for them well.
How can I stop feeling guilty about taking time for myself?
Try reframing self-care as something you’re doing for your children, not instead of them. A rested, calmer parent is better able to meet their children’s needs, so time spent recharging is time well spent for the whole family.
What are some simple ways to practise daily self-care as a busy parent?
Small, consistent habits work best — a short walk, a few quiet minutes with a cup of tea, some reading before bed, or a quick chat with a friend. The key is protecting that time regularly, even if it’s brief.
What should I do if I notice I’m becoming overstressed?
Watch for early warning signs like tiredness, irritability or getting run down. Act early rather than waiting until you’re overwhelmed — reach out for support, adjust your routine, or say no to non-essential demands on your time.
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