#1. Toys multiply to fill available space.

#2. The later you stay up at night, the earlier your kids will get up.

#3. On the one day you have to get up early, your child(ren) will sleep late.

#4. The piece of bread and jam your child is about to drop will fall face down on your carpet.

#5. More water will end up outside the bath or shower than in it.

#6. The more time you spend making a meal, the less your child will like it.

#7. When you make them their favourite meal, they won’t eat it.

#8. If the shoe fits… It’s expensive.

#9. If there is a Lego piece on the floor, your bare foot will find it and step on it.

#10. When it’s bedtime they will suddenly need a drink, a pee, another story…

#11. The more loads of laundry you do the more the washing basket fills up.

#12. Closing the bathroom door causes them to come find you.

#13. The moment you put on a clean diaper on your child is the moment they pee or poo again.

#14. You will find yourself taking things out of the toilet on a regular basis.

#15. You will only find out about the science/craft/homemade costume project the night before or on the day it’s due in.

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#16. The minute you decide to take advantage of nap time to have a shower/watch TV/read a book/do laundry is the moment nap time ends.

#17. Saying Do Not Touch means your child will touch it.

#18. A quiet toddler is a dangerous toddler.

#19. The more important the meeting/appointment the more likely your child will be sick that day.

#20. That expensive toy your child insisted they had to have will be played with twice then never again.

#21. Your toddler will be more fascinated with the packaging of a toy than the toy itself.

#22. Your child will remember and repeat every swear word you ever utter.

#23. There will be no change/coins in the house when the Tooth Fairy visits.

#24. There will be no money in the house when your child needs it next day for a school trip or school fundraiser.

#25. As soon as you tell another parent that you’ve never had a particular problem with your child, you will start to have that particular problem.

#26. The more urgent your need to leave the house on time, the more likely your child is to need the toilet.

#27. Your child will suddenly need to pee when you have a trolley full of groceries just before the checkout, or when they are inside their hard to get off ballet costume or snow suit, or when you are in the car nowhere near a toilet..

#28. If your son has spent months begging to take karate lessons, the day you sign him up and pay for the classes is the day he will switch his interest to soccer.

#29. The day you decide to wear ‘something nice’ will be the day your child child covers you with blood, snot and tears.

#30. The chances of enjoying a holiday decreases in direct proportion to the distance you have to travel.

#31. It isn’t bedtime until it’s dark outside, even if it’s summertime!

#32. You think you know stuff until your child starts asking questions like Why is the sky blue? when did the Romans live? what’s the capital of Belarus? then you realise you know nothing.

#33. If you throw something away because your child has not played with it in months, he will ask for it later that same day.

#34. The one time your child asks for a particular vegetable, you won’t have any of that vegetable in the house.

#35. You will get caught when you sneak in another room to eat chocolate.

#36. The moment you have managed to get your baby to sleep is the moment you will trip on a toy and curse loudly.

#37. If you make one silly face to make the baby laugh you will have to make that face one hundred more times.

#38. The colder it is, the more they will refuse to put on a sweater or jacket.

#39. The minute you make or receive an important phone call, the minute they will want your attention LOUDLY.

#40. The one time your kids are away for the night you will wake up early.

#41. If you buy a favourite snack in bulk, suddenly your child won’t like it any more.

#42. If you ask your child to be careful with their juice, they will spill it dramatically all over themselves and the floor.

#43. Just when you have finished cleaning the bathroom, someone will pee on the toilet seat or spill toothpaste.

#44. When your kids visit other houses and you have told their parent that they don’t like to eat something, they will eat it for them and love it.

#45. Hand-me-down outfits (or outfits they were given by close relatives that you personally hate) stay perfectly clean. Brand new ones get stains/burp/drool immediately. (Aforementioned hated outfit becomes child’s favourite outfit…)

#46. A regular nap time will suddenly be out the window when plans are made that rely on that time.

#47. You will only see films at the cinema that are animated / rated PG/ marketed only to children.

#48. Your child will be very excited to meet Santa Claus but at the point of meeting him they will act as if you are forcing them to be friends with the devil.

#49. When one child gets sick, everyone will get sick…

#50. The more expensive it is, the quicker it will get broken or stained.