What do you do when your child is acting out? It’s one of the most frustrating parts of parenting, and as a parenting coach, I’ve seen it play out in countless families. Here are my five key tips for what to do when your child is acting out.
Do any of these situations sound familiar?
- It’s nearly bedtime and your child refuses to brush his teeth.
- You’re in a rush and they won’t let you buckle their seatbelt.
- They throw the sweets on the floor because all the red ones are gone and no other colour will do!
Have you ever had that sense that you’ve just had enough? Your blood pressure rises and you know you’re about to lose your cool. Being a parent can sometimes be the most frustrating job in the world.
When your young child is acting out — especially when you’re under pressure — it’s easy to react in a way that leads to an even bigger meltdown. You resort to grumbling, scolding, threatening, or telling them they’re “naughty” or “bold,” even though you know that’s not the solution.
The question almost every parent asks is: “How do I deal with my child’s challenging behaviour without losing my cool?”
Here are five key tips that can help get things back on an even keel when your family is heading towards a stormy patch.
You may also enjoy: 5 Mistakes NOT To Make When Dealing with Toddler Tantrums
Your Child Is Acting Out – What Now?
#1. Remember the ABC and Focus on Your Breathing
Unless it’s an emergency situation where you need to react to keep someone safe, take a moment to:
Acknowledge what’s going on for you.
Breathe and choose Calm.
Acknowledge – Breathe – Calm.
When you feel your own anger or anxiety rising, focus on slowing and steadying your breathing. Steadying your breathing creates a pause. It gives you the chance to step back from your own strong emotions and settle your thoughts. Then you can notice what’s actually needed.
You may also enjoy: What to Do When You Don’t Know How to Answer Your Child’s Awkward Question
#2. Respond Rather Than React
Think of “react” as a knee-jerk response — instant and without thinking. In any situation, you have a split second to decide whether this is an emergency, where you need to react to ensure safety, or whether you can pause and assess what would actually help.
In most situations — aside from genuine emergencies — it’s more helpful to respond in a way that tells your child, “I’m following you,” “I’m here for you.” If you react by saying “Don’t be bold” or “Don’t do that,” your child doesn’t understand what they need to do differently, so the same behaviour is likely to continue.
When you respond rather than react, you take a moment to think about how this feels for your child. Following their lead helps you understand what their behaviour is telling you.
You may also enjoy: 10 Simple Ways for Parents to Stop Themselves Yelling at Kids
#3. Your Child’s Behaviour Is About Them, Your Response Is About You
When your child acts out, they’re trying to tell you something isn’t okay. It doesn’t mean you’re a “bad parent.” When children act out in public — say, in a shopping centre — it’s easy to feel mortified and react rather than calmly figure out how best to handle things.
If your thoughts run away with “What will other people think?”, you won’t be able to follow your child’s lead, and you’ll miss what their behaviour is trying to tell you. Remember: their behaviour is about them and their needs. Your response is about you.
You may also enjoy: How to Discipline Your Child – 4 Tips for the Proactive Parent
#4. Only Say “No” When You Absolutely Have To
Believe your child is capable. Give them opportunities — with a little unobtrusive help if needed — to build their competence. We often stop play that looks slightly unsafe, but doing this can send the message: “You aren’t able to do that. You’re not big enough, strong enough, or able to figure this out.”
Look for ways to say “yes” — in your actions as well as your words. Instead of “No, stop that,” pause and assess whether it’s actually okay, or find a way to redirect. For example, if your child is jumping on the furniture, ask yourself whether “no” is really necessary. If you do choose to set that limit, recognise the energy they’re trying to work off, and think about how you can rephrase and redirect:
“Yes, you love jumping! Let’s put the cushions on the floor and you can jump there.”
Or: “Yes, you love jumping! Let’s go out to the trampoline.”
You might also enjoy: How to Parent with Discipline Not Punishment
#5. Recognise a Challenging Incident Is Also an Opportunity
A tricky moment can be a learning opportunity for your child — and a chance for insight for you as a parent too.
It’s a chance to better understand your child: what matters to them, what creates connection, what builds their self-esteem, and what helps versus what doesn’t.
You may also enjoy: 7 Useful Tips on How to Build Self Esteem in Your Child
These five tips are adapted from the parenting book Baby and Toddler On Board – Mindful Parenting When a New Baby Joins the Family, which explores three core principles along with practical insights on responding to young children.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does my child act out?
Acting out is usually a child’s way of communicating that something feels overwhelming, unfair, or unmet — tiredness, hunger, frustration, or a need for connection are common triggers. It’s rarely about being “naughty”; it’s about a need not yet being expressed in words.
How can I stay calm when my child is having a meltdown?
Focus on your own breathing before you try to manage the situation. Acknowledge how you’re feeling, breathe slowly, and choose calm before you respond. Giving yourself even a few seconds to pause makes a big difference to how the moment unfolds.
Is it normal for toddlers and young children to act out in public?
Yes, it’s very common and doesn’t reflect on your parenting. Public meltdowns can feel embarrassing, but staying focused on your child’s needs — rather than worrying what others think — helps you respond more calmly and effectively.
Should I always say no to keep my child safe?
Not necessarily. Reserve a firm “no” for genuine safety concerns, and look for ways to redirect energy or offer an alternative “yes” in other situations. This helps children feel capable rather than constantly restricted.
When should I seek extra support for my child’s behaviour?
If challenging behaviour feels persistent, intense, or is affecting your child’s wellbeing or family life, it’s worth talking to your GP, public health nurse, or a child psychologist for guidance tailored to your child.
Related Articles
- 5 Mistakes NOT To Make When Dealing with Toddler Tantrums
- 10 Simple Ways for Parents to Stop Themselves Yelling at Kids
- How to Discipline Your Child – 4 Tips for the Proactive Parent
- How to Parent with Discipline Not Punishment
- 7 Useful Tips on How to Build Self Esteem in Your Child
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