Need some ideas or tips on dealing with awkward questions from your kids? Here’s some practical help on what to do when you don’t know how to answer your child’s awkward question.
“Mummy, where did I come from?”
Susan swallowed. The time had come for the birds-and-the-bees talk! She stumbled and stuttered, trying to figure out how to explain this to her youngster. Until her child interrupted,
“But Mammy, Aoife comes from Dublin, and Tomás comes from Cork. Where did I come from?”
It’s hard to quickly figure out how to answer a child’s unexpected question. Here are your A-E tips on how to respond when that awkward question catches you unawares.
You might also enjoy reading 21st Century Guide to the Birds and Bees
A – Acknowledge and Assess the Situation
You want to quickly figure out what’s needed here.
What is it that my child actually wants to know?
How do I handle this in a truthful and developmentally appropriate way?
Is this the appropriate setting to handle this question, or should I indicate we’ll chat later?
(There may, for example, be somebody else’s child present, and you may perceive it’s not your job to be “educating” the other child.)
You might also enjoy reading 7 Valuable Insights on How to Calm Anxiety in Your Child
B – Breathe
The reactive part of your brain that gets triggered when anything feels like an emergency can easily cause the rational part of your brain to go “temporarily offline” when you feel anxious or embarrassed about a question your child asks.
If you sense your emotional equilibrium is shaky, quietly take a few deep breaths before answering. It gives the “thinking part” of your brain a chance to catch up, which will save you blurting out some answer you may later regret.
C – Choose Calm
As you breathe, focus on being calm — in your thoughts, words and your body, because children are very tuned in to our non-verbal signals. If you give a strong reaction to your child’s question, they may get the message that it’s not ok to ask you questions on this topic.
Most parents would rather their child asked them the awkward questions than went looking in other places to find their answers.
D – Developmentally Appropriate
Before you jump in with your answer, be conscious that what is a helpful response at one stage could be inappropriate for a younger or older child. It’s not just a matter of answering truthfully, but of doing so in tune with your child’s chronological age, their level of understanding, sensitivity and maturity.
Choose vocabulary your child can understand. If you use a less familiar word, weave other simpler words into your explanation to help your child understand what that word means.
You might also enjoy reading 10 Tips for Talking About Puberty with Your Daughter and How to Talk to Your Son about Puberty
E – Explore What Your Child Is Asking
Like Susan, you may jump in with what you think is the information your child is looking for, without first checking in with your child that this is what they are actually enquiring about. Then you run the risk of giving them more information than they need at this stage.
What can be helpful is to repeat the question you heard. Using this approach, your response to your child could be:
“So you’re asking …? Have I got you?”
This gives you a few seconds for your A-B-C, which means the “thinking part” of your brain has a chance to get back online, to assess what’s needed — how to handle this in a developmentally appropriate way, what to say and how to say it. It also gives you an opportunity to check whether the question you thought your child was asking is what they really are asking.
If you are still unsure if you’re on the right track, invite your child: “Tell me more.”
This gives your child the chance to explain what they’re really asking. If Susan had reflected her child’s question in this way and then asked, “Tell me more,” it could have saved her from getting into a birds-and-bees discussion her child didn’t need at that point.
A Final Point
Only answer the question your child is actually asking, without going into lengthy detail on the entire subject. If your child needs more information they’ll ask another question — maybe now, or maybe at some point in the future. They’ll ask when they are ready.
The A-B-C of these tips are based on the first three steps of the ebook “Stop Yelling – Nine Steps to Calmer, Happier Parenting”.
“Totally enjoyed the book. It’s definitely one to read, re-read, re-read … Great practical steps …”
When you don’t know how to answer your child’s awkward question, it’s easy to forget this A-E right when you need it most. Why not write it out, or save the image, and keep it somewhere as a reminder? Practising this conversational skill before you really need it makes it so much easier to respond helpfully and to deepen the conversation with your child when an awkward question lands.
So now it’s over to you — because we know this article might lead to a few more questions of your own! What awkward questions has your child asked you? Maybe it was amusing, embarrassing, or just plain confusing, and you weren’t sure how to answer. We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
Frequently Asked Questions
What should I do if my child asks a question I’m not ready for?
Give yourself a moment. Take a breath, stay calm, and repeat back what you think they’re asking before you answer. This buys you time to respond thoughtfully rather than reacting on the spot.
How do I know how much detail to give?
Answer only the specific question your child asked, in language suited to their age and understanding. If they want to know more, they’ll ask a follow-up question — now or later.
What if I panic and give the wrong answer?
It happens to every parent. You can always circle back later: “I’ve been thinking about what you asked earlier — can we talk about it again?” Children are generally happy to revisit a topic.
Why does staying calm matter so much?
Children pick up on our non-verbal reactions. A calm response signals that it’s safe to keep asking you questions, rather than looking for answers elsewhere.
You Might Also Like
- 21st Century Guide to the Birds and the Bees
- 7 Valuable Insights on How to Calm Anxiety in Your Child
- 10 Tips for Talking About Puberty with Your Daughter
- How to Talk to Your Son about Puberty
Save This for Later
Awkward questions have a habit of arriving at the most unexpected moments. Bookmark this article or share it with your partner or co-parent so the A-E approach is easy to find the next time you need it.
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