Yes I’m being very honest here in writing this article. The days of quickies are a distant memory, the spontaneity has gone, you’re tired (to put it mildly). Here are 10 reasons why your sex life disappears after having kids.

Sign up for our free Newsletter stuffed full of ideas, competitions and offers. PS Did we mention it’s free?

1. Your libido goes AWOL post-baby

I don’t known if it’s the hormones but your libido definitely takes a vacay after baby. And it takes a while to find its way home!

2. Post labour is all a bit messy

I was “fortunate” enough to have an episiotomy so even thinking about my nether regions made me wince for a while afterwards…

3. You feel funny because there’s now a little person nearby

It was all fine and dandy when there was just the two of you, now there’s this little person cooing in their crib nearby.

4. You are knackered

Yep. Not in a gentle tired sort of way when you could make yourself feel amorous but in a bone-shattering type of I’ve never felt so tired sort of way.

5. Breastfeeding boobs

Ah yes. Breastfeeding and boobs and sex. All a bit strange…

6. Kids never leave

There’s no break! You can’t get rid of them (easily!).

• Feeding,
• burping,
• settling them for a nap,
• playing,
• bathing
• changing nappies.

So when are you supposed to get time…

7. You can’t leave contraception lying around any more

What are these Mummy? says your toddler getting their hands on a random condom packet left lying around…

8. You have to be totally silent now

No more panting and screaming ecstacy. Oh no, that would wake the baby / toddler / tween / teen for sure…

9. Spontaneity my arse

Now your sex time together has to be planned to the nth degree..

10. When??

So you’ve a choice between late at night or when kids are somehow magically away – both of which are opportunities to basically sleep not have sex! It’s all so exhausting!