Those milestones along the parenting journey – the day they were born, their first steps, starting school, losing baby teeth, their first disco, sitting exams, graduating from school – and then suddenly, before you know it, your child is about to leave home.
As with many of those parenting milestones, what you expect and what actually happens can be quite different. I certainly expected to feel emotional about my teen leaving home for university. I just didn’t realise how deep that emotion would run, or how it would catch me at the strangest times.
Here are 8 things I didn’t expect with my teen leaving home for university.
#1. I didn’t expect it to creep up on me so fast
Even with a whole final year of school – and all the years before it – to prepare for this moment, it still arrives suddenly. One day my baby is about to leave home, and it feels very strange thinking about it all.
#2. I didn’t expect to get emotional at odd times
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I’m a bit of a mush when it comes to anything remotely emotional – I’ll be the one crying at the sentimental bits in a film or welling up over a sad news story. So I knew I was going to be emotional. It just hasn’t been when I expected it.
Surprisingly, there were no tears from me at her school graduation ceremony. But I found myself weeping while driving her to school one day, thinking about how it was one of the last times I’d do that drive.
A good friend of mine gave me this excellent advice: “Be gentle on yourself.”
#3. I didn’t expect to be so nervous at key moments
Yes, I knew it would be nerve-wracking watching her open her exam results to find out what she’d got, but my heart was in my mouth too.
Or waiting for the university offer to be confirmed.
And I’m sure I’ll be feeling nervous for her until I know she’s settled into her university life.
#4. I didn’t expect it to bring back all my memories
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All those memories of me leaving home for university came flooding back, in vivid detail. Meeting my new roommate on the first day, introducing myself to the girls who would become my best friends for life, heading to my first lecture.
All of it bounced right back into my head, as if it happened yesterday.
#5. I didn’t expect to be wondering about a new family dynamic
As this is our eldest child leaving home, we’re new to this whole thing, and we’ve got a new family dynamic to figure out.
How will her sister be as the only child left at home? What will it feel like eating as three instead of four? Small questions, but they’re on my mind.
#6. I didn’t expect to have such a long list of things to organise
I knew there’d be things to organise before she left, but I didn’t realise quite how much. She’s going into halls of residence for first year, so at least we don’t need to worry about pots and pans yet, but there’s still a long list of small, practical things to buy or dig out of the house.
Never mind the admin from the university, from accepting the offer to setting up her student email access.
#7. I didn’t expect to want to take photos of her all the time
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Suddenly I want to take photos of her constantly. It feels like the limited time we have left means I need to try to capture as much of it as possible. (“Not another photo, Mum…”)
It doesn’t matter if it’s something trivial, like her hugging the dog in the park. I want to capture those moments too.
#8. I didn’t expect it to be sad and exciting at the very same time
It’s such a mix of feelings, and it can switch in the blink of an eye. One moment you’re thrilled for them. The next, you’re sad to the bottom of your heart that they’re heading away from home.
One moment you’re excited about the choices ahead of them. The next, you’re remembering them learning to walk, and realising those days are long gone.
So as I help my daughter pack up and organise her move to the next chapter of her life, I keep coming back to this quote from Cecil Day-Lewis:
“Selfhood begins with a walking away / And love is proved in the letting go.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel this emotional about my teen leaving for university?
Completely normal. Many parents describe feeling caught off guard by when and how the emotion hits, rather than by the fact of feeling it at all. Ordinary moments, like a familiar drive or a small everyday habit, can bring it on more than the big send-off day itself.
How can I prepare practically for my teen leaving home?
Start the list earlier than you think you need to. Between what they’ll need for halls of residence, university admin and accommodation paperwork, the practical side takes longer to organise than it first appears, so it helps to break it into small, manageable steps rather than leaving it all to the last few weeks.
How do I support siblings who are staying at home?
It’s worth talking openly with any children still at home about how the family dynamic will change and giving them space to share how they feel about it too. A sibling moving into a new role at home, whether that’s becoming an only child or the eldest still at the house, is an adjustment in its own right.
Will it get easier once they’ve settled in?
Most parents find that the nervous, unsettled feeling eases once their teen is settled into university life and routines. Regular contact, without hovering, tends to help both of you find your footing in the new arrangement.
You Might Also Enjoy
- The Last Time Poem
- The Challenge of Parenting Teens: 9 Hurdles Every Parent Faces
- Expert Tips to Help You Communicate With Your Teen
- Some Tips on How to Navigate the Teenage Years
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Going through this stage yourself? Browse more of our family life articles for real parent stories and practical support as your teen heads off into their next chapter.
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