Talking to children about staying safe from abuse is one of the hardest conversations a parent will ever have — and one of the most important. Most children who experience abuse know and trust the person involved, and many never tell anyone. That’s exactly why the conversations we have at home matter so much.
Award-winning blogger Tric from My Thoughts on a Page shares her 10 tips to help keep kids safe from abuse — simple, honest habits any parent can build into everyday life.
1. Body Part Language
From an early age, make sure children know the correct language for body parts. You can still use a nickname at home, but if you’re uncomfortable saying words like penis, vagina or breasts, your child will pick up on that discomfort too. If someone ever does touch your child or speak to them inappropriately, having the right words already in place makes it far easier for them to tell you.
2. Talk About Feelings
Talk to children, even from around age three, about feelings — what feels good, and what doesn’t: hugging, kissing, tickling. Encourage them to own those feelings. If they don’t want to be hugged, kissed or tickled, that’s okay. No one should be allowed to do anything to them they don’t want or feel comfortable with — not even parents, grandparents, other family members or friends.
3. Speak About Private Parts of the Body
Talk to your children about which parts of their body are private, and who should ever be able to see them. Help them understand that “private” doesn’t mean “shameful” — try to talk about private parts in a normal, calm voice rather than whispering or lowering your tone.
4. Explain the Difference Between Secrets
Children need to understand the difference between a good secret and a bad one. If someone they trust tells them “don’t tell,” they usually won’t — so it helps to set a general family rule that grown-ups don’t ask children to keep secrets from their parents.
Talk through examples together: a surprise birthday present, accidentally breaking something, seeing someone being bullied. Ask what they think makes a secret a “good” one or a “bad” one. Could they tell you if something felt wrong? How would they tell you? What would they do if they felt you weren’t really listening — or if someone threatened them or called them a snitch for telling?
Related reading: Keep Kids Safe: Do Innocent Secrets Make Kids Vulnerable?
5. Stranger Danger
Talk to your children about “stranger danger” — and remember this applies online as much as in person. A stranger is anyone they haven’t actually met, including people they only know through a screen. Here are some tips for teaching “stranger danger” to kids.
Revisit this conversation as your child gets older and starts using a computer or has internet access on their phone.
You might also find useful: Internet Safety for Kids: Be Share Aware and Tips for Keeping Your Child Safe Online: 11 Apps and Sites to Be Aware Of.
6. Revisit These Chats as Your Child Grows
As your child gets older, go back over these conversations. Remind them that they own their own body. Talk about the possibility of pressure being put on them by a boyfriend, girlfriend, or a group of friends — and about how drinking and intoxication can make it harder to say no or to notice when something isn’t right.
7. Know Who Your Child Spends Time With
Be mindful of who your child spends time with. Older children are often abused by other young people who are also under 18 — it isn’t only adults who abuse. Staying aware of your child’s friendships and social circles matters at every age.
8. Agree a Way They Can Get Your Attention
Have a plan in place for the times your child really needs to talk to you. Life gets busy, and really listening gets harder as children grow. Some families use a note left somewhere visible; others agree a key phrase in advance, like “Mum, I need to tell you something — please really listen to me.”
9. Always Listen
If your child tells you something, you must listen — even if part of you finds it hard to believe, or you assume they’re exaggerating. Listen fully and look into whatever you’ve been told properly before deciding what to make of it.
10. Try to Stay Calm
If your child discloses abuse, try to stay calm. If they’re telling you about something happening to another child, listen carefully and seek advice from the appropriate child protection agencies.
If it’s happened to your own child, sit and listen quietly. This is a huge moment for them — one that will change things for your family, but one that also means they’re no longer carrying this alone. Contact the appropriate agencies, but don’t rush the conversation. Your child needs you present and patient. What they tell you at first may only be part of the story, so stay open to hearing more over time.
Useful Resources
This post is by award-winning blogger Tric Kearney, a stay-at-home mum from Ireland. Tric has a passion for writing, among other things, on her blog My Thoughts on a Page. You can also follow Tric on Facebook and Twitter.
Frequently Asked Questions
At what age should I start talking to my child about body safety?
You can start as young as two or three, using simple, correct language for body parts and talking about feelings — what feels okay and what doesn’t. These early conversations lay the groundwork for more detailed chats as your child grows.
How do I explain the difference between a good secret and a bad one?
Use everyday examples your child will understand, like a surprise present versus something that made them feel uncomfortable or worried. Ask them how they’d feel telling you either kind, and reassure them that no adult should ever ask them to keep a secret from you.
What should I do if my child tells me they’ve been abused?
Stay as calm as you can, listen fully without interrupting or reacting with shock, and reassure your child that they’ve done the right thing by telling you. Contact the appropriate child protection agency for guidance on next steps, and give your child time — they may share more detail gradually.
Is it only strangers who abuse children?
No. Most abuse is carried out by someone the child already knows and trusts, including other children and teenagers under 18. This is why ongoing conversations about boundaries and consent matter, not just one-off “stranger danger” talks.
How often should we revisit these conversations?
Regularly, and especially at key stages — starting school, getting a phone or going online, starting secondary school, and entering the teenage years. Each stage brings new situations, so the conversation needs to grow with your child.
Related Articles
- Tips for Parents on Teaching “Stranger Danger” for Kids
- Internet Safety for Kids: Be Share Aware
- Tips for Keeping Your Child Safe Online: 11 Apps and Sites to Be Aware Of
- For the Fridge: 10 Tips for Practical Internet Safety for Kids
- Keep Kids Safe: Do Innocent Secrets Make Kids Vulnerable?
Save This for Later
Keeping these conversations going takes time, so bookmark this article or save it somewhere handy to revisit as your child grows and situations change.
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