In her book Bossypants, Tina Fey writes this heartfelt (and funny) A Prayer for My Daughter, we think it’s great!
A Prayer for My Daughter
First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half
And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean,
swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform,
crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms,
getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing,
leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels,
roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,”
“Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll
featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever,
anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.
Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually
fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.
What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design?
I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the
sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses
and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short
– a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long
and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled
invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for
Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front
of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly
into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit.
I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord,
that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M.,
all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature
whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces
off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed
gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she
will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget.
But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Over to you now. What did you think of Tina Fey’s Prayer? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below.