The “terrible twos” is a phrase every parent hears sooner or later — though in reality, tantrums can show up anywhere from age one to four. Mostly, they’re just your toddler’s way of showing frustration when they can’t express themselves, or when they’re testing the boundaries as they grow. It’s a normal, healthy (if exhausting) part of development.
Having been through it more than once, here are our top tips for surviving toddler tantrums — practical, real-world ideas you can actually use the next time things go off the rails at home or out and about.
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#1. Don’t Change Your Mind
Once you’ve said no, try to stick to it. The tantrum will pass — but if you give in and change your mind, your toddler learns that a tantrum is an effective way to get what they want.
This matters most when you’re out and about and just want the ground to swallow you up. Try to remember: other people will judge you far less on your child’s behaviour than on how calmly you handle it.
You might also enjoy reading 5 Mistakes Not To Make When Dealing With Toddler Tantrums
#2. Choose Your Battles
Sometimes the smartest move is to let the small stuff go rather than let it escalate into a full tantrum. Not every “no” is worth the fight — save your energy for the things that really matter.
#3. Be Consistent
Every child needs consistency. If you respond the same way each time a meltdown happens, your toddler learns — through repetition — that tantrums don’t get results, and gradually finds calmer ways to react as they grow.
Recommended reading: 20 Tips for Avoiding Toddler Tantrums at the Supermarket
#4. Be Patient and Calm but Firm
Stay firm, but be patient and try to keep calm — your toddler is frustrated and upset, and the tantrum is simply how they’re showing it. Sometimes just holding them while they ride it out is enough to help.
Losing your own cool tends to escalate things further, and it isn’t good for either of you.
Recommended reading: Why I Love Toddlers
#5. Learn the Signs
Every child is different. As your toddler grows, you’ll get better at spotting what’s likely to trigger a meltdown.
Watch for the early warning signs and, where you can, steer clear of situations you know will cause trouble. Often it’s simply tiredness, thirst or hunger — think about how you feel when you’re hungry or exhausted, and it starts to make a lot of sense.
#6. Distract Them
Sometimes all it takes is a distraction to head off a full-blown tantrum. Keeping small toys, crayons, paper or a favourite book in your bag for when you’re out can be a lifesaver.
In the car, audio stories or songs on hand for when tempers start to fray work well for a lot of families. Even just singing the first few lines of a favourite song or rhyme can be enough to shift the mood.
Recommended reading: 21 Fun Toddler Games Every Preschooler Parent Should Know
#7. Walk Away
While your child is mid-tantrum, there’s often very little you can do to get through to them. If they’re safe and you’re able to, give them a little space until they’ve calmed down.
Afterwards, talk to them and help them work through whatever frustrated them in the first place.
Recommended reading: 10 Tips for Surviving a New Baby and a Toddler
#8. Try Sign Language
Baby signing can genuinely help with younger children. Often, a tantrum is really just your toddler’s way of telling you something you don’t yet understand.
Teaching simple signs for words like “book,” “milk” or “hungry” can head off quite a few tantrums before they start.
Recommended reading: Communicating with Baby Sign Language
#9. Pretend Choices
You can practically hear it before you’ve even served dinner: “I’m not eating that.” To head this off, try offering an alternative before you start cooking — ideally one you know they’ll never pick.
“Pretend choices,” where your toddler feels like they’re deciding, can work wonders. It can be as simple as letting them choose the pasta shape, or offering “chicken or pork” while serving the same meal as everyone else.
Sprouts or carrots, tomato sauce or mustard — get as inventive as you like.
Recommended reading: Top Tips for Fussy Eaters
#10. Bribery
Bribery on your own terms is absolutely fine. If you know you’re heading into a situation that could trigger a tantrum, offer a reward in advance.
For example, if an older sibling has swimming lessons and your toddler is expected to sit patiently for an hour, you might say: “If you play happily today, you’ll get a treat when we get home” — maybe a favourite programme, or a small snack. As long as it’s agreed beforehand, it’s not giving in.
Do you have a tip of your own for surviving toddler tantrums? Share it with us in the comments below — we’d love to hear what works for your family.
Frequently Asked Questions
At what age do toddler tantrums usually start and stop?
Tantrums commonly start around 12–18 months and are most frequent between ages two and three. Most children have far fewer tantrums by age four, as language and emotional regulation improve — though every child’s timeline is different.
Are toddler tantrums a sign of bad parenting?
No. Tantrums are a normal part of toddler development, linked to frustration, tiredness and limited language skills rather than to how a child is being raised. How you respond matters far more than the fact that a tantrum happened.
Should I give in during a public tantrum to avoid embarrassment?
It’s best to stay consistent, even in public. Giving in to stop the embarrassment can teach a toddler that tantrums work in public spaces specifically. Other parents are usually far more sympathetic than it feels in the moment.
What’s the best way to calm a toddler mid-tantrum?
Staying calm yourself, keeping your toddler safe, and either holding them gently or giving them a little space (depending on what usually works for your child) tends to help more than trying to reason with them in the heat of the moment.
Can tantrums be a sign of something else, like tiredness or hunger?
Yes — very often. Many tantrums are simply the result of a tired, hungry or overstimulated toddler who doesn’t yet have the words to say so. Spotting these patterns can help you head off meltdowns before they start.
You Might Also Like
- 5 Mistakes Not To Make When Dealing With Toddler Tantrums
- 20 Tips for Avoiding Toddler Tantrums at the Supermarket
- 10 Tips for Surviving a New Baby and a Toddler
- Communicating with Baby Sign Language
- Top Tips for Fussy Eaters
Want more ideas like these? Browse our Family Life section for more tried-and-tested parenting tips.
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