Sometimes you just have to laugh about parenthood – if only to keep from crying. Hearing stories from other parents in the trenches, who are buried deep in nappies and snotty noses can be beneficial – it helps assure us, as parents, that we are doing just fine (or not). This inspired Mums, Angela & Nikki of Truzees, to crowd source real parenthood stories and compile these into a book. From their early findings, here’s What Parenting is REALLY like in 15 True Life Stories.
1. Sleeping when the Baby Sleeps
“In the early days, crying when your child cries, instead of sleeping when they sleep, is normal” – Angela, Mum to 1, Ireland.
2. Prepare to Change How you Speak
Now that you are a parent, you can prepare for all manners of unusual words to come from your mouth.
“Soon you WILL refer to cows as “Moo-Moos” and to dogs as “Wow Wows”- Nikki, Mum to 3, Ireland.
3. Hide those Pens
“Blue pens and a little boy’s masterpiece on my cream leather chairs. Watch out. It happens!” – Derek Dad of 1, Ireland.
4. The Weird Things Kids Eat
It seems, you can’t beat the taste of real butter after all.
“My daughter really loves butter!! She went mental when I took it away after she took a big bite!” – Jennifer, Mum of 2, Ireland.
5. Watch Your Mouth
Parenting fail for many. You try so hard to keep those expletives under wrap, but sometimes that disaster happens and out they pop! And try as you might to get them to listen to something important you are saying, as soon as one of those bad words pop out, boy are the kids listening to you then!
“Be extra mindful of the more ‘colourful’ language you may use. At a recent check-up appointment, my four year old took it upon herself to interrupt her Doctor, mid-sentence to tell him that ” Daddy said a very, very bad word when he spilled coffee in the car this morning”- Alan, Dad to 3, Ireland.
6. The Embarrassing Things Toddlers Say
“I was at the supermarket with my 2 year old, and on the way to the grocery section, we walked through the clothing section. Passing the underwear, my daughter points up, and says very loudly, “Look Mummy, you can buy new boobies in here!” – Tara, Mum to 1, UK.
7. Never Leave them Alone!
We’ve all been there – run out of the room to answer the phone, whatever, and boom, you return to a scene of chaos. On the plus side, the kids are having the time of their lives, knee-deep in sudocrem or some other extremely messy nappy ointment.
“I left him for two minutes, I swear!” – Bobby, Dad of 3, UK.
8. Open Door Policy in Bathrooms
This takes quite a bit of getting used to once you have kids, but you won’t have a whole lot of choice (or peace) in the matter. To kids everything is extremely urgent when you are in the bathroom. Best to adopt an open door policy from the get go!
“Accept that you no longer have privacy on trips to the bathroom. Peeing/showering and bathing, without at least one small child accompanying you, and starting at you throughout with a running commentary, are a thing of the past” – Anon.
9. Beware of the Tot Who’s Too Quiet
Even before you have kids of your own, you know that if a toddler is too quiet, then they are up to no good. And after you have kids, you still get caught by it. We do like those moments of quiet even if there are consequences.
“I think this Sudocrem is a popular thing among tots!” – Laura, Mum of 2, UK.
10. Are Your Sure They’re Asleep?
Beware of the attraction of Petroleum Jelly!
“It was everywhere. We thought she was in bed fast asleep!” – Sheena, Mum to 2, Ireland.
11. Double Trouble
“You can’t keep anything to yourself anymore!” – Catherine, Mum to twins, Ireland.
12. Embrace Cartoons!
“Know that obliviously watching the cartoon channel for fifteen minutes when all children have left the room is normal. Embrace your inner love of animations.” – Nikki, Mum of 3, Ireland.
13. Kids + Paint
If you let the kids do some painting, and choose to leave them alone, be prepared for the consequences. It’s not long before they tire of painting the page, and move on to body parts and nearby objects.
“Kids + Paint + Daddy supervising = Carnage”- Victoria, Mum of 2, UK.
14. Mind your Makeup
“Do not leave your makeup lying around unattended. Should you do so, I guarantee you will find your small child more made up than Liz Taylor” – Nikki, Mum to 3, Ireland.
15. Toilet Training Trials
“So all little boys like to get naked. Well my son went though that phase at the same time as being toilet trained! One sunny afternoon, I had the balcony door open airing the apartment. While sorting clothes in the bedroom, a small naked boy wandered into the room. Nothing too unusual there you say?
Well what I discovered later that afternoon, was not only had he gotten naked himself, but when I went to close the balcony door, lo and behold, I found a large brown lump on it! Yes ladies and gentlemen, my child took a dump on balcony, while completely naked!
Needless to say, I avoided all the neighbours for several months. #parentingfail!”- Sarah, Ireland.
About Angela & Nikki
Angela Mahon & Nikki Lawlor of truzees are crowd sourcing parenthood for the first time and publishing the findings in a book.
‘True To Life Parenthood; the only parenting handbook you’ll need’ includes advice from actual parents and blends serious and humorous in equal parts.
It aims to be a lighthearted gift book packed with pages of encouragement as new parents adjust to the trials, tribulations, and unrelenting chaos of life with a tot.
Truzees are making a call for submissions. For a chance to be featured, you can submit your story, picture or tip here.
Over to you! Add your real life stories to the comments below.