Your child’s bond with their grandparents is an important link to both the family’s history and your child’s own personal growth. Read on to discover more about the special role of grandparents in our lives, and ways you can help it develop.
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The mantra ‘it takes a village’ may be accurate and ideal, but community can be hard to find when we often live apart from our extended family, work full time, and may not know our neighbours well. One way to get around this is to encourage your child’s relationship with their grandparents.
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Getting to Know Grandparents
Grandparents are a wealth of knowledge, experience and joy that give your child the opportunity for a unique relationship.
Grandchildren are a delight – according to many grandparents, there’s nothing better than getting all the fun without the sleepless nights, constant worry and other parental pleasures! Grandparents have the added benefit of a ‘been there, done that’ experience, having learned from their own mistakes the first time round. With any luck, they’ll pass some of that wisdom on to us.
In an ideal world, the family dynamic made up of you, your child and your parents will be harmonious and untroubled. In reality, though, many couples find that their own parents’ involvement with their children can give rise to areas of conflict – a degree of unwanted interference, some critical judgement, or clashes of opinion.
With careful handling and a little compromise, however, you can work around these potential stumbling blocks and make sure the relationship between everyone stays as special as it can be.
Sharing Tips and Advice
It can be galling to receive unwanted advice from your parents or in-laws, but it’s understandable that the older generation feels they have life experience to bring to the table when it comes to raising a child.
The key is to look for areas of compromise – agree with the pieces of advice that sound reasonable, express gratitude for your parents’ or in-laws’ interest, but stand your ground where it matters.
There is far more parenting information available to us now than our own parents or grandparents ever had, so it’s not unreasonable for them to have a different view or approach. Rather than letting this become a constant source of friction, take the time to chat about how different approaches suit different personalities, or how school and childhood have changed since they were raising a family.
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Grandparents’ Rules (or Lack Thereof!)
Grandparents usually love nothing more than spoiling their grandchildren with little treats – sweets, money, toys and so on. If the treats feel like they’re getting out of hand, or your child is starting to expect the same at home, gently explain that while you’re grateful for their generosity, it might help to agree a rough limit per visit.
Why not suggest that your parents or in-laws swap some of the material gifts for other special treats instead – teaching your child a new card game, an extra trip to the park, an afternoon at the cinema, or reading a favourite book together?
This is an area where compromise usually works well. If you have a policy at home around sweets, for example, agree an amount you’re happy for your child to have at Granny and Grandad’s, while explaining that these are “Granny’s rules” and things at home won’t be changing. It’s actually a great chance to build traditions and routines that are unique to their grandparents’ house.
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When Grandparents Are In Charge
With childcare costs often equivalent to, or even exceeding, monthly mortgage payments, plus the challenge of commuting and juggling drop-offs and collections, many parents rely on grandparents for childcare.
When it comes to the day-to-day realities of this kind of arrangement, it helps to agree expectations in advance – what snacks are allowed and how many, how behaviour and discipline should be handled, whether homework needs supervising, and so on. Collection and drop-off times should be respected in the same way as they would be with any other childminder.
This kind of arrangement can suit everyone and be a real joy for grandparents, but the biggest benefit is simply the extra time your child gets to spend with them. Keep the family relationship at the centre of it – don’t let rules, payment or discipline get in the way of the bond. If tension builds, it may be worth looking at a different childcare solution rather than letting it strain the relationship.
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The Generation Gap
For grandparents, a relationship with their grandchildren opens their eyes to a whole world of new ideas – from the latest apps and toys to today’s styles and technology. In return, grandparents can offer wisdom and life experience that can seem remarkable to a grandchild hearing it for the first time.
Hearing family stories first-hand, discovering shared interests, or spotting similar skills and quirks across generations is the kind of relationship children cherish for years to come.
Researchers have taken a real interest in the grandparent-grandchild bond over the years, with some studies suggesting that grandparents who engage regularly with young grandchildren perform better on cognitive tests than those who don’t, and that close emotional ties between grandparents and adult grandchildren are linked to fewer depressive symptoms in both generations.
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Protecting the Bond
If your child has regular access to their grandparents, the relationship will grow and change as the years go by. Time spent together, even doing everyday tasks, brings real reward. So how do you actively protect this bond if you live some distance from your parents?
Help your parents and your child make the most of technology to stay close:
- Make video calls together
- Send emails
- Make short videos to share
- Use WhatsApp to send photos
- Or simply pick up the phone for regular chats
- Send letters – a real joy for children to receive – and even the youngest child can send a drawing or painting in return
Encourage any shared interests, whether it’s reading, art, gardening, sport, or cooking together. Time spent doing something they both enjoy is one of the best ways to strengthen the grandparent-grandchild relationship.
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FAQs About Grandparents’ Role in Family Life
How can I help my child build a strong bond with their grandparents?
Regular, low-pressure contact matters most – shared activities, simple routines, and consistent time together, whether in person or by phone and video call, all help the relationship grow naturally.
What if grandparents live far away?
Distance doesn’t have to weaken the bond. Video calls, letters, shared photos and the odd handmade drawing in the post all help grandparents and grandchildren feel close, even between visits.
How do grandparents benefit from the relationship too?
It’s not one-sided – many grandparents say time with grandchildren brings joy, connection and a sense of purpose, and research suggests staying close to grandchildren can be good for grandparents’ wellbeing too.
What if grandparents and parents disagree on rules?
Agree the basics in advance – treats, screen time, bedtime routines – and allow a little flexibility for “Granny’s house” traditions, while being clear that home routines stay the same.
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How does your child spend time with their grandparents? Do they share interests that make their time together even more special? Leave a comment below – we’d love to hear from you.
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