Is going to the supermarket by yourself a vacation? Find yourself running towards vomit, rather than away from it?! Here are 25 clear signs you’re a Mom!
1. Instead of running from projectile vomit, you run towards it.
2. You do more in seven minutes than most people do all day.
4. A glass of wine counts as a serving of fruit.
5. You have mini-therapy sessions all day long with anyone who will listen.
6. Going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.
7. You have developed the ability to tune out noisy toys and screaming kids – something you thought not possible before you became a Mum.
7. You think of physical pain on three levels: pain, excruciating pain and stepping on a Lego.
8. You have the ability to hear a sneeze through closed doors in the middle of the night, two bedrooms away, while your husband snores next to you.
9. You’d rather have a 103 degree fever than watch one of your kids suffer with it.
10. A 15-minute shower with the door locked feels like a day at the spa.
11. Peeing with an audience is part of the daily routine.
12. You use baby wipes to clean up random spills and the dash of your car.
14. You love Moms’ Night Out and Date Night with the hubbie.
15. You have a secret chocolate stash because frankly, you’re sick of sharing.
16. You’ve been washing the same load of laundry for three days because you forgot to dry it.
17. You realise you’ve been watching Nick Jr. alone, even though your kids have been in bed for over 30 minutes, and actually enjoying it!
18. You can cook dinner, breastfeed, talk on the phone and yell at the kids, all without breaking stride or missing any of the TV show you are watching.
19. You get more excited about the Mini Boden Catalogue than J Crew’s.
20. You decide to stick with your car for the next decade because a) you can’t afford to switch and b) you haven’t found a car wash that knows how to get all the milk stains and glitter removed.
21. You now ask questions like “did you poo today?” and “have you put on underpants?”!
23. You are a night time ninja, having mastered the art of tip-toeing around sleeping kids, and avoiding standing on noisy toys.
24. Your handbag weights a tonne, from the kid’s paraphernalia at the bottom – think emergency crayons, lollipops, spare underpants, nappies, dinky cars, dolls, lego….
25. A day’s worth of threats and bribes have been doled out, and you haven’t even had breakfast yet!
Over to you! What clear signs would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments below.